My Wicked Garden

80% of my "A-Team" is ready and set...

2005-11-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

...and as always, it's a top-notch one if I do say so myself (in alphabetical order after the first two)...

Charlize Theron- Big surprise, huh? The woman is seriously talented dramatically (North Country...boo to those shunned it in favor of...too many "stinkers" to mention), comedically (Arrested Development...double-boo to those who wouldn't watch this funny show, but will support swill like "The {Bore} at Home" post-"Simpsons"), and just seriously sexy, period (Aeon Flux...T-3 agonizingly long weeks)...all without being a stuck-up, ego-fueled snot-rag about it (not to mention any names, but "see" the worst actress in "Catwoman"; a hint- not the one featured later on this list!). One of the all-time great femmes, as if there was any doubt... :))o

Elle Macpherson- Lost her beau this year but none of her ever-lasting appeal...another great, classy, devastatingly sexy being that can (still) wear a bikini (or just about anything else she damn well pleases)...at the age of 42(!), not to mention fuel so many of my wildest fantasies (ask some of my fellow authors about that if you don't think that's so)... :))

also making the cut:

Halle Berry- Showed her sense of humor (among many of her winning attributes) by accepting her Razzie* award (that she didn't deserve, BTW...there were much worse acting perfs out there) in person, proving that one mis-step will not keep this perennial hottie down...

Cameron Diaz- Came back strong with her best movie/performance in years (In Her Shoes...what I said earlier re. Charlize goes here as well); said to be teaming up with Kate Winslet (in a movie, but still worthy of a ;-)) )...another fun-loving beauty who does justice to the marvelous invention known as the bikini... :)))

Jennifer Garner- I gently reminded CL that she was (and IS) part of MY group, and I'm in no mood to let her go (not that I can disparage his good taste)...the soon-to-be YM/MILF was the best (only?) thing in the misguided "Elektra", along with the red leather lucky enough to be wrapped around her... :))

Elizabeth Hurley- Back with a venegance after (barely) missing the hallowed "A"-heights last year...another Hall-of Fame femme, and MILF in good standing...

Scarlett Johansson- The youngest (and sole first-timer) of this exclusive group...well-built in all the right places, and savvy enough to stay the F away from Nicole Richie ;-<< (if only the same could be said of Michael "Over-glorified/bombastic video maker" Bay, though that's a minor hiccup in the grand scheme of her promising career)...

Angelina Jolie- Not everyone gets her, to be sure, but those who went along for the Jolie ride this year had lots of fun doing so :))...if only Mr. and Mrs. Smith (as well as her other films/activities) were available in an "unrated" version... ;->

(*Remind me to give John B. Wilson, the "head" of the Razzie Awards, to soon give him the bloggal thrashing he so richly deserves!)

Not to worry, I'll name the remaining two to this list before we run out of 2005 (still too close to call, you know), to be chosen from my next group...

The first step in building a Top 100 list...

2005-11-11T16:29:00.000-05:00

Since the beginning of this decade (the 00's?!?!?!? Well, what would you call it?), my fellow author/blogger/friend CindyLover and I have combined to put an annual Top 100 list of our favorite women, each choosing 50, some of which we can choose to "protect" for the following year...he has already begun his process, and with one exception (that I'll soon explain why), his "A-Team" is right on :)))...I must admit that it may take until the very end of the year to come up with my overall Top 10, so be patient...it's a duty I take seriously... ;-))

About time I came...

2005-11-11T16:28:00.000-05:00

...back from my not-entirely-self-imposed hiatus...I thought I'd give a few "shout-outs":

to CindyLover...for your ever-inventive stories/fantasies, and for inspiring me to not settle for less re. mine...

to the Artist once(?) known as Kira's Slave...for your blog ideas/musings that I cannot possible hope to match but enjoy just the same; also much thanks to the card you sent me (such a gift is always appreciated by yours truly), and to express my sorrow that I cannot YM you as often/thoroughly as I'd like :((...

to JenO...for your student adventures (good luck, if I haven't mentioned it to you yet), and so sorry about the demise of the Red Sox (though they got further-again-than my Phillies! :((( ), though it was admittedly a tough act to follow), though it WAS good to know that the Yankees (aka team spend-a-lot) went no further... :))

to KMB...to your friendship as well, and inspiring many of my most awesome/wicked thoughts, esp. about some of your faves I probably wouldn't have thought about otherwise (nice to know how some of them "blend" well with some of mine! :)) ). Also, never let it be said that I don't hold Rose McGowan in high regard just because her rankings on my list may seem low (still way higher than FHM's/Maxim's, at least...what's up with them???)...she's indeed someone who's worthy of sharing the big screen (and then some) with Scarlett Johansson... :)))

More shout-outs to follow soon...

Cammie D at #6????

2005-10-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

Check our http://www.ggtan.com/2005-10-12%20Hot%20100.html, then tell me how (at least) four out of the five femmes ranked above my second-favorite blonde actress are rated as such, ESPECIALLY #5!!! :(((

I'm VERY disappointed in the moviegoing public... :((

2005-10-09T14:51:00.001-04:00

...for not giving "In Her Shoes" (with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette, directed by Curtis Hanson) the love it deserves, instead preferring to see the mediocre "Flightplan" instead (STILL? WHY???) by a $10.7 mil. to $10.0 margin...

Excuse me while I curse out the pop-culture gods some more... :(((

Fuck you, David Spade!

2005-10-07T17:54:00.001-04:00

For your rant re. Eva Longoria's so-called overexposure (like we haven't been subjected to your untalented rat face for far too long now!) on the (one can hope) soon-to-be-ashcanned "The Showbiz Show with David Spade", yet another pathetically unfunny "Daily Show" wannabe; there, I SAID IT, BITCH!!!!

More Charlize news (get used to it)...

2005-10-04T18:10:00.000-04:00

The ever-lovely South African export will appear on "The (U.S.) Tonight Show With Jay Leno" to promote her upcoming film "North Country", which is gathering potential Ocsar buzz for her (again) :))...between her two films due by the end of the year, her fun turn on "Arrested Development", getting her Hollywood Walk of Fame Star, and her other apprearances/mag covers, you might say I'm a bit "psyched" for her interview, despite the fact that Jay Leno is totally unfunny and a lazy-ass interview (he does to much promotion/displaying mag covers in lieu of actual questions/anecdotes); still, his recent track record of luring top femmes (Jessica Alba, MILF-to-be Jennnifer Garner, and Cameron Diaz all showed up last week) gives him at least some cred with me (for now)...

Back with some questions...

2005-09-30T20:55:00.000-04:00

Who you are:

Where I met you:

You think my middle name is ________

How long have you known me?

Do I smoke?

Do I drink?

Am I rated R for hard language?

Do I believe in the Lord Almighty?

What was the first impression you had of me after we met?

My eyes are A) green B) blue C) brown D) red...because...

Name 3 of my favorite things to do.

Am I funny? Not like Sarah Silverman funny, but "funny" funny?

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?

My favorite musical genre is ________

Name my best feature, in a haiku.

Extrovert or introvert?

Follow the rules or make my own?

Special talents?

Favorite nickname?

Your favorite memory of me is the time we...

What's one of my worst habits?

Finally, out of all the friends I have, name the one I would most likely have a relationship with and the one I would most like to have a one-night stand with.

Whew...filling that our is a chore, but strangely rewarding...hoping you feel the same way...

MMMMMMonica! :)))

2005-09-30T20:54:00.000-04:00

Sad to say, this may be the LAST time I honor a femme on her birthday, due to the difficulties I've had in making this happen et al, so let's end this feature on a GOOD note (though I still intend to occasionally put up some hot pics when the mood strikes :)) ) !!!

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http://img173.imageshack.us/my.php?image=jysubkmonicabellucci021oc.jpg

Now THAT'S a way to finish that bit off, no? :)))

All these people complaining about "Un-American"/do-nothing celebs please...stop it!!!

2005-09-02T16:08:00.000-04:00

I've seen no less than three different "letters to the editor" types (2 in the N.Y. Post- big surprise) rail on about celebrities who will contribute to other nations/people, but not to those in need here...everyone from Bruce Springsteen, Dave Matthews, John Mellencamp, George Clooney, and Angelina Jolie was cited as being "uncaring" re. the plight of Americans (?!??!?) by these numbnuts...

First of all, since when is helping people from foreign lands considered "wrong", anyway??? Is there any doubt that many of these people (through no fault of their own) are in dire need of whatever aid they can get? So why begrudge them that, regardless of who's making the donation/contribution...

Second, how about giving these people you're bashing more than two MINUTES to react to this unspeakable calamity...some of these performers (and many others) HAVE since given their time AND money to relief aid/causes; in fact Matthews AND Mellencamp (two performers whose music I am not esp. fond of), have helped out people in this country through benefit concerts, Farm Aid shows, etc. ...Springsteen has done the same for American citizens in need countless times...

As for that sexy minx Angelina, who was chided for not adopting homeless American orphaned babies by one assclown, she's in secret negotiations to "adopt" KMB, Hater, and yours truly as her special "servant" boys...this lady has only so much time and energy to give, you know... :)))

I really hate Bush... :(((

2005-09-02T16:06:00.000-04:00

George W. that is (not the defunct British rock band that I'm actually rather indifferent to, or, well, you know... :)) ); he is OBVIOUSLY a man who just doesn't get it...just like too many unfortunate people didn't "get" the help they so desperately needed...I'm too angry/saddened to comment further on this, but I felt like I had to make some point about it for now...

Celebrating my FAVORITE (American-born) blonde... :)))

2005-08-30T18:48:00.000-04:00

Cammie D. ...there's something about this angel that gets me "up andgoing"! :))

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http://img11.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc25&image=74b_camerondiazbeachwhitebikini010.jpg

and a fitting END to this tribute (shamelessly using the same bad pun again)... :))

http://img37.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img37&image=onthebeach0081uj5ea.jpg

Charlize gets "Arrested"!

2005-08-30T17:04:00.001-04:00

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,17261,00.html?fdnews

Contrary to my first thought, I guess that means no "strip-search" for La Theron, huh? :))

Seriously...GREAT news on so many levels (better "AD", than Will & Grace", for one)...now if "Reno 911!" or "Entourage" or even "The Office" (US version) were to get today's birthday honoree (see above post if you've somehow missed it), my head would explode (in a good way)... :)))

Happy B-day to Little Miss Vixen...

2005-08-25T18:44:00.000-04:00

You mere mortals know her as Rachel "Summer" Bilson... :))

http://img362.imageshack.us/my.php?image=401rachelbilson132fa.jpg

http://paintedover.com/uploads/show.php?loc=24&f=rachel_beach_3.jpg

http://img244.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img244&image=bisonflaunt6oz.jpg

http://img37.imageshack.us/my.php?image=a2cf497lk.jpg

...with the uncanny ability to harden men, AND moisten women! :)))

Fall Movie Femmes Preview...

2005-08-24T20:35:00.000-04:00

The summer season is just about to end, so here's a primer to who'll be enticing us to go into the overpriced theatres for the next few months (all actresses/performers mentioned have "leading" roles unless otherwise indicated; highlighted titles are films I actually WANT to see, and NOT just because of who's listed :)) )...

August 31: The Constant Gardener (Rachel Weisz)

Sep. 2: Underclassmen (Kelly Hu-supporting)

Sep. 9: The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Laura Linney)

Sep. 16: Just Like Heaven (Reese Witherspoon) , Proof (Gwyneth Paltrow)

Sep. 23: Flightplan (Jodie Foster), Corpse Bride (Helena Bonham Carter-voice) , A History of Violence (Maria Bello)

Sep. 30: Into the Blue (Jessica Alba), Capote (Catherine Keener-supporting), The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio (Julianne Moore)

Oct. 7: In Her Shoes (Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette-supporting), The Curse of Were-Rabbit (Helena Bonham Carter-voice again), Two For the Money (Rene Russo)

Oct 14: Elizabethtown (Kirsten Dunst, Susan Sarandon-supporting, Jessica Biel-supporting), Domino (Keira Knightley, Lucy Liu-supporting), North Country (Charlize Theron), The Fog (Maggie Grace)...one helleva week for releases, no? :)))

Oct. 21: Stay (Naomi Watts)

Oct. 28: Prime (Uma Thurman), The Legend of Zorro (Catherine Zeta Jones)

Nov. 4: Family Stone (Rachel McAdams- supporting)

Nov. 11: Bee Season (Juliette Binoche), Jesus Is Magic (Sarah Silverman) , Derailed (Jennifer Aniston)

Nov. 18: Walk the Line (Reese Witherspoon), Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley)

Nov. 25: Rent (Rosario Dawson, Idina Menzel-supporting) , Yours, Mine, and Ours (Rene Russo)

Dec. 2: Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron), Transamerica (Felicity Huffman)

Dec. 9: Memoirs of a Geisha (Ziyi Zhang, Michelle Yeoh-supporting)

Dec. 14: King Kong (Naomi Watts)

Dec. 16: All the Kings Men (Kate Winslet-supporting)

Dec. 23: The Producers- The Movie Musical (Uma Thurman-supporting), Freedomland (Julianne Moore)

Dec. 25: Rumor Has It (Jennifer Aniston), Match Point (Scarlett Johansson)

Release dates (and my enthusiasm for certain films) may change in the coming weeks; a recent example is "V" For Vendetta, which was scheduled for November, but will now be released next year...so those of you with a major Natty fix will have to wait a bit longer... :(((

How in the world is Oprah considered "hotter" than...

2005-08-16T18:15:00.000-04:00

the GENUINELY luscious, likable, and non race-card-playing likes of Kim Basinger, Sela Ward, Julianne Moore, Vanessa Williams, Gina Gershon, and above all the mamlicious Monica Bellucci (among many others)???

Well, ask VH1, who put together a "40 Hottest over 40" list, then just about invalidated the whole thing when they a) did the above-mentioned miscue, and b) ranked our SuperGoddess Elle Macpherson an unsatisfactory 11th (???), and c) ranked the over-publicized-for doing-virtually-nothing-of note-or-worth Demi Less, I mean, Moore #1 (WTF???)

Then again, this is the same "network" that would give more-contrived-than-even-the-worst-sitcoms "unreality shows" to the supremely untalented likes of Hulk Hogan, Danny Bondadouche, and fat people who I am told are celebritities, even though they have been seen even less than Osama bin Laden recently...

A tasty trio of birthday babes... :)))

2005-08-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

...beginning with ex-JAGer Catherine Bell...

http://img293.imageshack.us/my.php?image=catherinebellpromos1568jv8kv.jpg

...sitcom star/cartoon voicer Mila Kunis...

http://img298.imageshack.us/my.php?image=milakunis9179171fd5zl.jpg

http://img90.imageshack.us/my.php?image=94cx.jpg

...not to mention Hall-of-Fame femme Halle Berry :)))...

http://img71.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img71&image=13ly4sz.jpg

http://img258.imageshack.us/my.php?image=berry5238lj.jpg

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http://img71.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img71&image=03072005195611halleberry101nq3.jpg

...as I wonder if there are three ladies so fine who share the same birthdate... :))

Charlize...the conclusion

2005-08-08T17:36:00.001-04:00

The final batch (with "bonus" pics...over 30 total!)...

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finally, the best way to END this classic collection... :)))

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! (And many, many more, my love...)

More Charlize! :)))

2005-08-07T16:12:00.000-04:00

Due to popular, lust-fueled demand...

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Celebrating Charlize (Pt. 1)...

2005-08-06T11:08:00.000-04:00

Her 30th b-day will take place tomorrow, but why wait to celebrate this Hall-of-Fame beauty and talent?

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MUCH more of my Goddess to cum :)), I asssure you...

ONE word to describe the asses of...

2005-08-01T18:05:00.000-04:00

(I saw this topic on CSSA's Message Board, only to see it vanish moments later, before I could respond; therefore, my response will go here)

Charlize Theron: Morgeous (a combo of "magnificent" and gorgeous", because La Theron deserves more than one word to describe her beauty, no?)

Elle Macpherson: Assletic (ditto)

Jennifer Garner: Mummyrific (to-be)

Beyonce Knowles: Bountylicious (barely avoiding the obvious w/her)

Scarlett Johansson: Clonable

Jessica Alba: Sinfull

Halle Berry: Meow-able (Pitof, like Michael Bay and Rob Bowman, be damned!)

Monica Bellucci: Assionate
Angelina Jolie: Inked

Cameron Diaz: Shakable (NOT to be confused w/"Shrekable")

Josie Maran: Ass-a-roni (a "San Fransisco Treat")
Salma Hayek: Calienteous (could describe just about EVERYTHING of hers, really :)) )

Maria Menounos: Scoopworthy

Stacy Keibler: Grapplemendous
Laetitia Casta: Frenchable

feel free to suggest any additional names/words, folks...

Coming Soon...the return of my Top 25...

2005-08-01T17:10:00.000-04:00

Last year, I tabulated my Top 25 ladies for every month, showing them to a few pals; I put it off this year, but I'll try re-instating it, beginning w/July 2005...I'll have those results soon, but my Top 10 estimations are (in no particular order): Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Connelly, Elle Macpherson, Maria Menounos, Natalie Portman, Beyonce Knowles, Scarlett Johansson (BTW, big F-U goes out to Michael "butt of "South Park' gags" Bay...Bay, Bay, GO AWAY!), Elizabeth Hurley, Maria Sharapova, and a certain lass w/a sweet ass that Albaholics everywhere will rejoyce at her ranking... :))

Finally, a reason to keep on going...

2005-07-29T20:34:00.000-04:00

Superiorpics.com is due to re-open this Monday (8/1) , with the forum re-opening as well, presumably w/more enticing pics of our favorite ladies...just in time to celebrate some of MY top femmes on the 7th, 14th, and 30th... :)))

Why "Entertainment Weekly" GRATES on my nerves, pt. 637...

2005-07-27T19:46:00.000-04:00

So they've proclaimed the hottest, up-and coming actress is now...Jessica Alba? Scarlett Johansson? "Star Wars" queen Natalie Portman (note to KS...her hair is beginning to grow in VERY nicely)? How about Rachel McAdams (BTW, go see "Wedding Crashers" if you haven't already...or AGAIN if you have!)?

Nope...forget about those old hags (my God, Rachel turns an ancient 29 in October!!!)...EW, in all their corporate toadying "wisdom", has decided that 11-year young DAKOTA FANNING (?!?!?!) is "the most POWERFUL actress in Hollywood"!

Pardon me while I smash my head against a nice solid concrete wall...

Emmy yeas and nays...

2005-07-16T13:11:00.000-04:00

First, the GOOD news...THREE of my top six femmes were nominated (Charlize, Halle, and JenG); making it (at least) SIX reasons to look forward to Emmy night :))), along w/Teri, Marcia, and Felicity...as for what "they" got WRONG, allow me to make the proper corrections in each category...

Drama Series: "Rescue Me" and "The Wire" INSTEAD of "Six Feet Under" and "The West Wing".

Actor/Drama Series: Denis Leary (Rescue Me) INSTEAD of Hank Azaria (Huff); perhaps if the former Mr. Helen Hunt had played this role more like Moe the bartender...

Actress/Drama Series: Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) and Marg Helgenberger (CSI) INSTEAD of Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under) and Patricia Arquette (Medium); and not just to appease the CSSA crowd, honestly...Marg over Rosanna's sis was admittedly a close call, but I feel "Medium" gives Patty much less to work with...

Supporting Actor/Drama Series: Anthony Anderson (The Shield) and Frankie Faison (The Wire) INSTEAD of Alan Alda (The West Wing) and Oliver Platt (Huff); Mr. Anderson atones for "Kangaroo Jack" here, which is more that can be said for Mr. "I ruined 'M*A*S*H'" Alda...

Supporting Actress/Drama Series: Shohreh Aghdashloo (24), Bebe Neuwirth (Law and Order: Trial by Jury), Callie Thorne (Rescue Me) INSTEAD of Stockard Channing (The West Wing), Tyne Daly (Judging Amy), and Blythe Danner (Huff); boy did the F-up this category major...let go of the Tyne Daly worship (?!?!??!!) already, people! I must say I dig Gwyneth's mom, but it's no secret Showtime pretty much bought off all the "Huff" noms...

Comedy Series: "Entourage" and "Reno 911!" INSTEAD of "Everybody Lances Raymond" and "Will and Grace" (ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!); "Entourage" is even better this season than last (which was merely very good), and "Reno" is THE balls-out funniest show around today w/the "depature" of Dave Chappelle! Is there ANYONE who can explain the "appeal" of the two UNWORTHY choices????

Actor/Comedy Series: Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) and Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!) INSTEAD of Eric McCormack (W*** and G****) and Ray "I can't act my way out of tissue" Romano (Everybody Loathes Raymond).

Actress/Comedy Series: Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) and Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives) INSTEAD of Patricia "Crushing Bore" Heaton (Everybody Lices Raymond) and Jane "Screecher" Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle of a Boring Run); do I NEED to explain THIS one, folks???

Supporting Actor/Comedy Series: Carlos Alazarqi (Reno 911!) and Cedric Yarborough (Reno 911!) INSTEAD of Brad Garrett (Raymond) and Sean Hayes (W&G); like picking Queens of the Stone Age to "rock the joint" over Logins and Messina...

Supporting Actress/Comedy Series: Harriet Sansom-Harris (Desperate Housewives), Kerri Kenney-Silver (Reno 911!) and Wendi McClendon-Covey (Reno 911!) INSTEAD of...the whole lot, really; even "Entertainment Weekly" agrees that KK-S is the "most hilarious woman on TV"...for ONCE that ISN'T mindless corporate hype...

In what world does Martha Stewart rate above Elle and Scarlett???

2005-07-12T17:02:00.000-04:00

You would think ONLY the "bizarro" world, which is where "Vanity Fair" magazine seems to reside as they apologize for a convicted felon who lied to the government to hang onto a few sheckles, instead of giving the cover/additional pics to Top 10 femmes Elle Macpherson or Scarlett Johansson (see earlier CSSA post); the lippy one esp. got rooked over by getting only three pages (all sweet and sexy, classic Scarlett) despite initially being slated for the cover...

As for the leggy one, she fared a bit better, with an interesting article accompaning the pics (many w/family, though a couple bikini shots and one SULTRY bedroom pose :))) ); yes I DO occasionally read the articles! Should be of interest to long-time Elle fans or those interested in what she's all about...she's more than just a pretty face/Body, which is why I love her so... :-))

All in all, worth checking out (despite that mag's "Desperate Housewives" hatchet job and their refusal to EVER have profiled Halle Berry), though I highly recommend tearing the cover in protest in front of all to see...

Happy Birthday Ms. Sela Ward :)))...

2005-07-11T17:52:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I've been unable to come up with suitable pics of the lovely Sela for you all to worship, but I'm working on a hot FS with her and another stud friend of mine...hope that'll suffice... :))

I want Osama's rotting corpse on a stick already...

2005-07-10T13:29:00.000-04:00

...served over a high flame, for a (justifiably) bloodthirsty, angry mob...the fact that I have to make this request 4 (plus?) years after the fact is nauseating beyond belief...way to serve the people, U.S. gov't...

To quote Homer Simpson re. the last line..."By the way, I was being sarcastic!"

On a MUCH brighter note, happy birthday to the babelicious ones Sofia Vergara (escaped from Tom Cruise's mindless clutches just in time), and Jessica Simpson :))...

For the record...

2005-07-03T17:43:00.000-04:00

My Top 10 from the CSSA Top 100 (2005): Charlize Theron (25th), Angelina Jolie (5th), Halle Berry (T69th???), Jennifer Garner (4th), Monica Bellucci (32nd), Scarlett Johansson (18th), Josie Maran (54th?!?), Jessica Alba (numero uno!), Cindy Crawford (the best of the solo #1 votes), Maria Menounos (46th).

CSSA Top 100 of 2005 review...

2005-07-02T15:19:00.000-04:00

Breaking it down to two categories:

THE GOOD: The Top 10 is VERY first- rate (Jessica Alba reigns again, followed by Natalie Portman, Eliza Dushku, Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Elisha Cuthbert, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore, and Gwen Stefani for those who haven't checked), with 8 of the femmes entrenched in my Top 50 (and JenLove not that far away)...also very good to see Charlize (#25) get some love from other CSSAers this year...

THE BAD: Group "participation"...Less than HALF of those who took part last year were absent this time around...where did (almost) everyone go??? On a personal level, I'm a bit distressed that some of my perennials (Elle, Cammie, Liz Hurley) got no other votes, which kept them OUT of the Top 100 :(((

Thanks to CindyLover for getting his lady in, though... :)))

The end of an era, Pt. 2... :((

2005-07-02T13:44:00.000-04:00

First The Babe Index closes (not only are the pics gone, but the text list is following suit, just as I predicted {unfortunately} correctly), now word is out that Superiorpics.com is going under as well...sad to see them go, hoping that SOMETHING will take their places; even if it won't be the same, at least we'll have an outlet for the femmes we worship...

I'll be there for you, Elle...

2005-06-25T13:38:00.000-04:00

I know you're hurting right now, my love, my magnificent goddess, so I just want to give you a comforting, nurturing, hug and...

Wait a minute...what's this? Of COURSE..."The Body" (NO WAY should that refer to Jesse Ventura...EVER!) won't let herself be down for long...not when there's so many admiring femmes to fill the void (so to speak)...

Elle is languishing in her native land on her yacht bordering the warm, sunny beach, her bronzed body free from her confining black leather bikini, to the vast delight of her latest conquest-to-be Maria Sharapova...greeting her in a tiny white bikini that's welded to her skin. The tennis ace is happy to be in the presence of "The Body", eager to be mentored into a champion bi vixen...

Maria slides her 6' frame on Elle's equally tall, toned form, gently sliding her mouth on her mentor. She rocks her crotch against Elle's perfect pussy with her trimmed patch framing it, feeling her wetness dampen her thong bottom. The Russian teen feels her womanly urges build, wrapping her long arms along Elle's frame, kissing her breasts and tender, hard nips, loving the blissful feeling both are experiencing until...

...Josie Maran, dripping wet from emerging from the ocean in her sexy red bikini, getting the attention of the lean, long, leggy foxes, clamoring for a piece of Elle's tasty pie. Josie's been distraught ever since she (just barely) missed out on MuffinMan's CSSA 2005 Top 10 list, but Elle firmly explained to her that she'd have to "make more of an effort" to earn her way on such a prestigious list...

Josie responded by stripping Maria's bikini off, then massaging her hot, dripping young pussy as Maria gleefully cursed in Russian, exhibiting her newfound sapphic horniness. Elle licked her lips in approval, then commanded them to each suck and lap away on her perfect legs...

Maria and Josie (now stripped of her bikini as well) happily submitted to her will, tasting and slupring on Elle's legendary stems, working their way down to her toes, as her servants lovingly worked on her tender tootsies...Elle cried out in womanly bliss, her incredible pussy juicing at will, via the suckling of Josie and Maria, the tarts craftily sneaking their fingers in each other's downy, impressionable pussies...

Just then, yet another 6' goddess in the form of Aisha Tyler arrived in her revealing gold bikini, strutting over to that slice of heaven located between Elle's legs...her gorgeously plump lips are just what Elle needed to feel as they scorched every lovely fiber of her being. Meanwhile, Josie and Maria, inspired by their longtime object of worship, squeezed each other in their arms, their moist cunnies mashing together in delight as Elle freely juices Aisha's beautiful ebony facial features...

Missus Maran and Sharapova take the initiative and slurp up and kiss Elle's tasty mess off Aisha's face, coating it all over with their drool...Elle is turbo-charged by these wanton acts from these horny young ladies, standing over them and releasing her hot stream of puren, leaking and fully drenching the extra-tasty concoction all over Maria and Josie, this act officially baptising Maria as a certifiable bi slut, to the delight of her co-horts... :)))

Aisha is further inspired by the young duo, allowing them to strip her naked, making her fully enjoy the sex scent of Elle dripping off their nubile bodies...Elle is grinning beyond belief from the trio jumping all over each other, fueling her desires further at the arrival of Elizabeth Hurley and Cameron Diaz (both looking like they've just been fucked over good and hard), ultra-stunning in revealing blue and midnight green bikinis respectively, together carrying what appears to be a 2-ft long snake-like object in their hot hands, to the vast delight of the now-beaming awesome Aussie...

(TBC)

Happy birthday to the leggy wonder Down Under!

2005-06-20T20:08:00.000-04:00

The one NOT named Elle, that is... :)))

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"The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers..."

2005-06-17T16:54:00.000-04:00

...that were responsible for the death of the Babe Index...RIP :(((

Happy Birthday to the Auburn Goddess!!!

2005-06-13T17:27:00.000-04:00

aka JenO...the sexiest, most scrumptious blogger/erotica author I know (though by no means the ONLY one :->); I feel honored to know and fortunate to have contacted her (if only by e-mail), and I'm sure her friends and esp. the lovely Rachel feel the same way... :))

So until a "meeting" with Laura P, Jessica A, Alyssa M, Rose M, Jen G, Rachel B, and our fellow bloggers can be arranged to unconditionally worship at the altar of this fine woman and her dear Rachel, I can only wish her the very best in her life, and many, MANY more special days to come!

With love, from all your loyal servants :)))
...

Fantasy Session 05-VII (continued)

2005-06-11T18:50:00.000-04:00

(Continuing where I left off, with Angelina forcing me on my knees before three wet, hard, hot Hollywood studs...)

"Whip them out, boys...and hit him hard!!!"

With that simple, direct command, Angelina had Brad, Taye, and Matt use their hard, long fucksticks as weapons against my tender face...they joyfully whipped those cocks solidly across my face! Charlize was getting off on this display as well, laying back to finger her smouldering pussy, fired up from me getting red welts from those slabs of meat striking my face!

"Enough...he's had enough...", Angelina said, telling her bi boys to lay off cock-slapping my face (just as I was beginning to get off from it myself.

Ms. Jolie stood in front of me, her stockinged foot on my chest, as she paused to slowly roll the sheer hose off her magnificent legs...once she removed both stockings, she threw them right in my face, eliciting wicked smiles from the studly trio...and Charlize...

"Put them on...just like my good cock-bitch should!!", Anglina playfully taunted, as I worked her sexy hosiery over my legs, loving the sexy scent that emanated from her. After I secured them tightly, Angie had me nibble and suckle on her sexy legs, until Brad got beside me to perform the same "task' on one of her stems...

This freed Matt and his stiffy to go over to a delighted, dripping Charlize and feed from her perfect pink treasure...he dove in with his sweet, manly tongue to get his one-time costar to howl like the sexy, fiery hellcat I knew she could be!

Meanwhile, Brad and I competed to see who could worship Angelina's sexy legs and exquisite toes...we were both relentless in being her foot-slaves as our cocks hardened, with Angie coercing us into stroking each others poles...as Taye helped himself to her magnificent bosoms...

Charlize now got on top of Matt as he lay on his back, riding his happy pole whorishly...she bounced up-and-down furiously in the reverse-cowgirl position with her fingertips tickling her rosy clit, facing Anglelina and her three bi slaves as she dug in deep. Ms. Theron's moans and secreechings went beyond guttural as Brad and I were now locked together, our hard cocks brushing against our bodies, with Angelina deviously rubbing Taye's bald head as it burrowed in her happy valley of Titville...

The scent of sex roamed the air as Brad and I formed a molten 69 together, with me laying on top of him while we wolfed each other's beef bones down like the bi sluts everyone knows we are...just as Matt exploded deep in Charlize's pretty, starving-for-studcum tunnel, Angelina grasped my head tightly to take in Brad's cock-and-ball scent, and Taye prepared to use his hungry tongue and luscious lips against my open, twitching back hole...

(More to come...after we do...) :<<3

Liz Hurley: Fab at 40!

2005-06-10T17:03:00.000-04:00

Time to chew on my favorite English muffin... :)))

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WOW...what a week of birthdays...I haven't even included Anna Kournikova (6/7), Maria Menounos (6/8), or Gina Gershon (also today) for their own special sections :((...at least their mentions are duly noted...

Everyone's favorite "bald" young lady...

2005-06-09T17:47:00.000-04:00

...is celebrating a birthday today (as well as one rocketing career right now); time to honor her...

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I can only regret that I've been unable to feature a photo of this incredible beauty with her newly shorn head :)))...I'll see what I can do about this oversight...

Speaking of my #5 choice...

2005-06-04T13:42:00.000-04:00

...happy birthday to Angelina!

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gotta wonder how this delicious creature is gonna celebrate... :)))

My CSSA Top 10 for 2005...

2005-06-04T13:18:00.000-04:00

Just posted there, explaining my choices here...

1) Charlize Theron (1 last year): Hoping someone else gives her some love/points this time...

2) Elle Macpherson: Still and forever Australia's finest export to me :))...

3) Halle Berry: One benefit from the "Catwoman" fiasco; proved to have a sense of humor in accepting her Razzie (which should have gone to "them", BTW)

4) Cameron Diaz: Take that, National Enquirer!!! Looking forward to seeing Cammie on-screen again "In Her Shoes" (and out of them...as well as the rest of her clothes! :)) )

5) Angelina Jolie: One uniquely sexy being coming into her own as a top-flight femme...

6) Jennifer Garner: Would have been #5 if...what CindyLover said at CSSA...

7) Monica Bellucci: Last year's #1 first-time YM has NEVER made "People's 50 Most Beautiful" list...an obvious example of some "people" who needs to BUY a clue!

8) Teri Hatcher: This century's (deserved) comeback queen; as irresistibly charming as ever...

9) Scarlett Johansson: Sweeeetest YT to come along in years...

10) Elizabeth Hurley: No resisting her lasting appeal...like that's a bad thing?

Honorable Mentions (aka "why the CSSA list needs to expand to {an optional} at least 20): Cindy Crawford, Josie Maran, Heidi Klum, Salma Hayek, Beyonce Knowles, Maria Menounos, Estella Warren, Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba, Kim Basinger, Laetitia Casta, Lucy Pinder, Eliza Dushku, Stacy Keibler.

HeidiHeidiHeidi YUM!!! :))

2005-06-01T18:18:00.000-04:00

Celebrating today's birthday goddess:

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Three words to Nicole Richie...

2005-05-21T13:33:00.000-04:00

aka "Lionel's crappiest production to date"...

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First word: Fuck. Second: off. Third: youschnauzer-facednotlalentwhore!!!

Answering some "Hot Seat" questions...

2005-05-14T16:08:00.000-04:00

I noticed over at CSSA that they've revived the "Hot Seat" authors questions format...I decided to answer a few of them myself in the interest of others getting to know me better...feel free to ask anything that you can come up, BTW (as long as you don't ask me ridiculously hard economics stuff that even "experts" struggle with)...

How much do you like goddess ass?

Very, VERY much...more than I can possibly describe...my idea of heaven, in fact, is where I can feast on the delicious gourmet behinds of Charlize, Elle, Halle, Cindy C, JenG, Monica, Laetitia, Estella, Jessica A, Scarlett, Salma, Beyonce, CameronD, Heidi Klum, Eva Mendes, JenO, et al...to the point where no other's tongue will do...except for each other's (MY idea of heaven, remember)! :))

What story/series idea have you seen made you think, "Damn, why didn't I come up with that?"

I'm probably most impressed/envious of KMB's Harem series, not only for the stories, but also for the match-ups. Not that I could possibly draw out a Chapter THAT long and still make it complelling...

How do you like your Portman: hairy or shaved?
Are you talking about her head or...? :))>

When will you know when it's time to hang it up?

When I no longer have the desire to fantasize about the female/male form...in other words, after I'm dead as a doornail, God willing...

TV- cultural wasteland or compelling entertainment?

Has many moments of each, actually (though Dr.Phil/Pat O'Brien is a definite example of the former)...the same could be said for movies, books, and just about any creative expression...

Why do you write?

To express myself in a creative way that I hope other like-minded types enjoy...

Say KMB asks you to come up the the idea for the next Harem chapter...what would you suggest?

I'd like to see pairings of older (40+) women (Elle, Teri Hatcher, Julianne Moore, Sela Ward, Michelle Pfeiffer, Heather Locklear) teaching tender young things (Eliza, Scarlett, Natalie, Keira, Jessica A, Kirsten) how good and scorching celeb lesbian love can be, teacher/student style :)))...

Ever have any broken bones?

I broke about 6 ribs in an auto accident at age 15...some drunk shithole plowed into a van me and 6 friends were in...no one was killed or paralyzed, thankfully, but the driver was messed up for several years and died not long ago of an unrelated drug overdose...really sad part of my life...

Beatles or Stones?

Beatles for their musical output, Stones as a live band (saw them in '81 and '89...damn, that's a long while ago)...

Favorite Jennifer?

Yummy Mummy-to-be Garner, without question! Followed by Connelly, Aniston, with author/goodess JenO worthy of being in that mix :)))...

Will Jennifer Garner and Tina Fey be good mothers as well as babes/performers?

My guess is yes, seeing that they're quality, loving babes/human beings...certainly, they'll be more adept at it than Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon have been at acting lately...

Most romantic song?

Hard to just pick one, though you can't go wrong with the very best of Al Green and Marvin Gaye's hits...

Top five supermodels beside Elle and Cindy?

All-time: Christie Brinkley, Paulina Porizkova, Claudia Schiffer, Heidi Klum, Laetitia Casta.

At the moment: Heidi, Laetitia, Josie Maran, Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil's FINEST!!), Marisa Miller (Estella Warren is pretty much a full-time actress, other wise she'd be a lock here).

Who's your "guilty pleasure" lady?
Don't know if I really have one (I'm just "guilty" of loving too many fine femmes!), but one that may not be a "typical" choice is Amy Poehler of "Saturday Night Live"; she's one funny, goofy, sexy little minx! :))

Do you think there's a double standard in how accepting (CSSA authors) are of male bisexual authors as opposed to female bisexual authors?
There likely is to some extent, but I've been pleasantly suprised at the positive feedback I've received, from fellow writers with similar desires to those who are not openly into writing/fantasizing about both genders who nonetheless enjoy my writings. I can't help what others may think neagatively, so I let it roll off my back, so to speak, preferring not to deal with any prejudices/judgemental views...

If you got the opportunity to enjoy one weekend of uninhibited, unconditional lovemaking with Charlize Theron and Elle Macpherson, but had to allow their male partners (Stuart Townshend and Arpad Busson), Ewan Macgregor, and Usher to have their way with your mouth, cock, and ass however they saw fit beforehand while the ladies videotaped the entire session for their personal enjoyment first, would you agree to it, and would it be worth it to you?

Is the new Pope German? :<<<3

Honoring our Fair French Maiden Laetitia...

2005-05-11T13:59:00.000-04:00

...because a) it's her birthday, b) FHM for the most part inexplicably shunned her in their worldwide lists, and c) because I damn well can... :)))

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I just love this luscious lady from head to toe...even her teeth/smile make her no less appealing (the "plastic dental mouth" can get cliched & tiresome, you know)...Viva La Casta!!! :<<<3

Fantasy Session 05-VII

2005-05-04T18:18:00.000-04:00

Starring Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, along with "Jackie"...

...Inspired in part, by a similar story published on another blog, and a session starring two of my favorite fantasy gals (guess)...

I had developed a well-earned reputation in Hollywood as a total whore for pussy and cock (I proved to have an insatiable hunger for both to many of the hottest, tastiest stars), and this evening was certainly no exception...

I was in my favorite position...laying back on my bed in my private hideaway while inhaling the scrumptious bare pussy of Charlize Theron, her shamelessly riding my face with unbribled lust, pinching her own hardening nips raw and screaming in delight while I lavished her juicy pink clit with my greedy tongue...

Of course, my legs were spread open like the good dirty slut I am so my damp asshole, moistened thoroughly by some magical lips, is prepared for some cock...all 10 inches of it! Long, thick, and black as coal, it felt real gooood going up my puckered knot....the fact that it was made of rubber and not part of a hot stud did not phase me, since it was attached to the dripping hot pussy of Angelina Jolie, playing the role of dominantrix to perfection, with me in the part as her slutty little cockbitch! The way she fucked me over, along with Charlize's tasty vaginal folds, got my cock uncontrollably hard, waving along as Angie plowed me with expert precision...she knew how to use a cock on me as well as any Hollywood bi stud did!

"OOOOHHHHthat's it, Jackie, make my pussy feel so goooodnwet!!!", Charlize exclaimed, not using my real name, but a feminine version therof per Angelina's insistence. Ms. Jolie also chose not to speak during this session, communicating with animal grunts, moans, and deliciously foul exclamations! Charlize got into the spirit of things when Angie ran her hands against her chest and smooth abdomen, also crying out like a jungle femmebeast! Charlize was totally naked and dripping wet all over thanks to my roaming hands and tongue, while Angelina was working up a hot sweat while decked out in a cherry-red corset, garter belt, and pitch-black stockings, matching the color of her dildo that mercilessly pounded my pink ass to pulp!

As Ms. Jolie drilled me harder, she leaned over to suckle, then bite, Charlize's delectable brown nippples, causing waves of painful excitement through her, making her involuntarily gush her sweet girlcum all over my face!! Ohhhhhman that's hot stuff, enough to make my cock pulse further, ready to blow its seed, hopefully all over Ms. Theron if our Mistress Joile will allow it...

Instead, she forces me down on my knees, as she and Charlize lap up the sticky mess left on my face...as sweet Charlize keeps kissing me, Angelina takes her rubber cock and slaps it back-and- forth against my slutty face while still grunting like a wild animal! "Yeah, give it to me like the bitch I am!!!", I start growling to my cock-master Angelina...

"Suck it all up, Jackie, my good little whore", she raspily commanded as I tasted my own ass and Charlize's juices (Angelina had started our session by forcing me to watch her fuck Charlize with that same dildo) on that big beautiful rubber cock between Ms. Jolie's legs. Charlize graciously polished my pole as I sucked away, both of us so hungry for something long and stiff we could hardly stand it! Angelina fucked my face rapidly, working herself into animalistic heat, followed by her primal grunting, again. I rocked my pelvis into Charlize's warm mouth, squirting my love load for her juicy lips to enjoy. She helped me up to kiss me deeply, both of us tasting our natural juices on each other while we embraced our warm bodies until...

...Angelina rang the bell, proclaiming to the occupants in my shower room next door, "Okay boys, time to come out from the water...our whore Jackie is ready!"

Within moments, Brad Pitt, Taye Diggs, and Matt Damon entered my bedroom, all buff and naked from frolicing in my shower, their cocks hard and throbbing...causing my hungry, greedy mouth to water and drool in anticipation, with Charlize beside me, nuzzling my chest while whispering words of encouragement to me. Angelina was not so merciful, dragging me over to the trio of studs by my hair as she smiled wickedly to them, with her submissive, obedient prey in tow...

Six damn good reasons why this lady still resides in my Top 10...

2005-05-03T18:02:00.000-04:00

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CindyLover put it best (as usual, re. this goddess)...Aaaaahhhh!!! :)) :)) :))

Dr. Phil and Pat O'Brien...the two biggest douches in the universe...

2005-05-03T18:01:00.000-04:00

...join forces to annoy and sicken the American public...

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050430/ap_en_tv/people_pat_o_brien_7

An obnoxious fraud and a slimy sleazoid...as if we needed another reason to watch "Lost" (or for that matter, anything else)...

Beauty by the ages...

2005-04-30T13:32:00.002-04:00

People Magazine came out with their annual "50 Most Beautiful People" issue this weekend, and had a semi-interesting feature on "beauty at every age", featuring women from 20-59; what follows is their choices, followed by mine at each current age...

20: Keira Knightley (People)/Scarlett Johansson (mine!)

21: Amber Tamblyn/Lucy Pinder

22: Kate Bosworth/Elisha Cuthbert

23: Serena Williams/Beyonce Knowles & Natalie Portman (virtual tie)

24: Julia Stiles/Jessica Alba

25: Evangeline Lilly/Stacy Keibler

26: Rosario Dawson/Estella Warren & Josie Maran

27: Liv Tyler

28: Kerry Washington/Yamila Diaz

29: Parminder Nagra/Charlize Theron :)))

30: Joy Bryant/Eva Longoria & Louise Redknapp

31: Kate Beckinsale/Heidi Klum

32: Rebecca Romijn/Cameron Diaz

33: Jada Pinkett Smith/Jennifer Garner
34: Kelly Ripa/Aisha Tyler

35: Uma Thurman/Catherine Zeta Jones

36: Lucy Liu/Naomi Watts

37: Kelly Hu/Nicole Kidman

38: Lauren Graham/Halle Berry

39: Elizabeth Hurley/Cindy Crawford

40: Connie Nielsen/Monica Bellucci

41: Jennifer Beals/Nicollette Sheridan

42: Demi Moore (pleeze!!!!)/Elle Macpherson (ahhhh, that's more like it! :<<3)

43: Heather Locklear

44: Julianne Moore

45: Patricia Clarkson/Rosanna Arquette

46: Angela Bassett/Marg Helgenberger

47: Michelle Pfeiffer

48: Kim Cattrall/Sela Ward

49: Iman/Dana Delany

50: Reba McIntire/I may need help here...suggestions?

51: Kim Basinger

52: Alfre Woodard (soon to be on "Despreate Housewives")

53: Lynda Carter

54: Jane Seymour/Markie Post

55: Natalie Cole/Sigourney Weaver

56: Olivia Newton-John/Pam Grier

57: Cheryl Tiegs

58: Susan Sarandon

59: Candice Bergen/Diane Keaton

Thirstin' for Kirsten on her birthday...

2005-04-30T13:32:00.001-04:00

Featuring her gorgeous smile and lovely, lucsious, legs:

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Happy b-day to the embodiment of Nancy Callahan...

2005-04-28T16:31:00.000-04:00

These shots are dedicated to CindyLover, JenO, KMB, butchman, and fellow Albaholics everywhere...enjoy the many facets of this heavenly piece of goddess:

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http://img163.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img163&image=jessicaalbachaps015zc.jpg

http://img71.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img71&image=ja44jq.jpg

http://img126.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img126&image=ja_steplunch001.jpg

http://img85.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img85&image=Jessi_2.jpg

http://img134.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img134&image=jesalbhqxp0368un.jpg

Updated babe list...

2005-04-24T16:41:00.000-04:00

...with the Top 60 ranked in order of desire, and the last 40 as "worthy runners-up"...

http://thebabeindex.com/muffinman

Also worth noting- the addition of the now-legal-to-fantasize-about-everywhere Maria Sharapova (no longer eligible for JenO's "other list")! :))

UK FHM Sexiest Women (besides Charlize :((( )

2005-04-21T14:59:00.000-04:00

In the interest of brevity and not crediting those who don't deserve MORE attention (esp. the two at #46), the following listed are those openly lusted for by yours truly and/or my fellow bi authors/bloggers:

100 Catherine Bell (not on US list)

99 Rachel Bilson

98 Avril Lavigne (N/A US)

97 Salma Hayek

96 Nicole Kidman

95 Hilary Duff (N/A US)

93 Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson

90 Shannon Elizabeth

89 Jamiela (N/A US)

87 Brooke Burke

83 Eliza Dushku

82 Tara Reid

81 Anastacia (N/A US)

80 Estella Warren

79 Rebecca Romijn

78 Jennifer Aniston

76 Lucy Liu

75 Jenna Jameson

73 Natalie Portman

72 Liv Tyler (N/A US)

68 Scarlett Johansson

67 Cat Deeley

64 Mischa Barton

63 Teri Hatcher

60 Eva Mendes

58 Mariah Carey

57 Jessica Alba

55 Christina Milian

54 Monica Bellucci

53 Cameron Diaz

52 Heidi Klum

51 Sarah Michelle Gellar

48 Kirsten Dunst (N/A US)

40 Anna Kournikova

39 Delta Goodrem

36 Maria Sharapova

31 Jennifer Garner

30 Jessica Simpson

27 Halle Berry

25 Katie Holmes

21 Louise Redknapp (N/A US)

20 Christina Aguilera

19 Alyssa Milano

18 Keira Knightley

16 Lucy Pinder (N/A US)

14 Lindsay Lohan

13 Rachel Stevens

12 Jennifer Love Hewitt

11 Eva Longoria

9 Beyonce Knowles

6 Britney Spears (N/A US)

5 Elisha Cuthbert (N/A US)

3 Angelina Jolie (#1 US)

Quite a hot group there...too bad there was no room for this perennial stunner:

http://img243.echo.cx/my.php?image=cindycrawford1ph.jpg

...not to mention this divine goddess:

http://img176.echo.cx/my.php?image=charlizetheron1aj.jpg

Four sweet 'n sexy slices of JenG...

2005-04-16T14:28:00.000-04:00

To honor everyone's favorite brunette spy goddess for her birthday (Apr. 17), here's four different sides of Ms. Garner, delicious in every one:

http://img93.echo.cx/my.php?image=jennifergarner1248id.jpg

http://img205.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img205&image=sydney213036cs.jpg

http://img19.echo.cx/my.php?image=jgtvguide070be.jpg

http://img8.echo.cx/my.php?image=jennifergarnerinstyle122wz.jpg

Fantasy Session 05- VI

2005-04-13T16:58:00.001-04:00

Starring: Charlize Theron, George Clooney, Catherine Zeta Jones, Stuart Townsend, along with MuffinMan...

I got to meet Charlize and Stuart while we were walking our dogs in Southern California...as my pooch Buddy was sniffing along their bitch Tessie, we struck up a conversation about music, with me telling them about my songwriting/performing talents. They were especially intrigued when I told them I was thinking of moving into their area, located off the beach. I was starting to feel a friendly vibe with them when...

"Heyyy...your guy's got quite the active...", Charlize noted.

"BUDDY!!! Bad dog! Get off her, NOW", I exclaimed in embarassment over not having control of my pet.

"Quite alright, friend...we have problems with her when she's in heat, which is most of the time. Say, wanna come over our place? We're having a special get-together with another couple, and we'd enjoy your company", Stuart assured me.

"Thanks, but I wouldn't know what to do with Buddy."

"That's okay dear, bring him over! He can frolic in the backyard...should get plenty of excercise, at least", Charlize chirped.

I agreed to come over their place that evening with Buddy in tow. Stuart greeted me warmly upon my arrival, explaining that Charlize had some extra errands to run and would arrive later.

That was the discouraging news...the encouraging news is when Stuart graciously introduced me to the other "couple" they invited...who weren't acutally a couple at all...

Unless you count them as "a couple of very beautiful people"...George Clooney and Catherine Zeta Jones, fresh from promoting "Ocean's Twelve", had come over to chill with Charlize and Stuart, only to be a bit dismayed when the former was still absent; I was a bit nervous at meeting these incredibly stunning film stars (even in person, they were gorgeous and immaculately dressed), until Stuart went to the kitchen to get us some drinks and George asked me about my musical performances...

"They've been going well as of late...we're getting booked in better venues, and...", I rattled on, hoping that George and Catherine didn't notice the prominent bulge in my jeans they both caused.

"I caught you at the Troubador not long ago...your singing and playing was fantastic...very good stage presence", the Welch wonder sincerely assured me.

Just as I sensed a spark between Catherine and I, the rumblings and rabid barkings outside caught our attention; my face was as red as my cock was when I pumped it while dreaming about my favorite movie stars upon viewing Buddy humping Tessie, pumping her madly from behind as both doggies were gasping from the scalding heat they were in!

Rather than being smug and looking down at me, George and Catherine enjoyed a hearty, good- natured laugh; finally, I saw the humor in it too, relieved that a) my pooch was sterile and, b) George remarked that the dogs knew how to party more wildly than the human guests!

"Ooooohhhh....I don't know about that", Catherine replied saucily as she looked deep into my eyes while adjusting my shirt collar a bit. "I'm feelin' a bit 'inspired' myself!

"You're not thinking what I'm thinking, are you, dear?", George shot back, going over to me with lustful intentions as Catherine nuzzled my neck softly, allowing me to be intoxicated by her imported perfume and raven-black head of hair. "I think there's an 'exercise room' we can use ourselves..."

More (of us) to cum! :))

Fantasy Session 05- V

2005-04-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

I just finished a few rounds of raquetball with Rande Gerber at our private gym when I headed to the showers. It was late in the evening, near closing time, as Rande and I were the last two in attendance.

When I soaped up my body in the shower, I couldn't help but sprout major wood thinking of Rande's super-hot goddess wife, not to mention him when he's shirtless while exerting himself on the court, clad only in tight shorts. He soon joined me in the locker room, watching me shower up and asking who I was thinking of this time...

"Let's just say it would be so nice if Cindy were here with us...", I told him while my cock was growing by the second.

"You might as well put that thing away", Rande teased as his sweat beaded nicely on his form. "Besides, you KNOW she has a special foundation ceremony to attend."

"Save the story for another time, studman!", I tell Rande before pulling him into the shower with me until we were both drenched with water, sweat, and desire! We embraced passionately under the showerhead and then pulled aside to take in our toned physiques, further fueling the adrenaline pumping inside us.

Rande eagerly pulled his shorts down to show me his fat torpedo expanding before me; in seconds I sank him down to the floor to take his beautiful man-pole in my mouth...

We playfully wrestled around a bit on the shower floor, licking our masculine moisture off our upper bodies, until we got to a comfortable trainer's table in the locker area to get into a scorching 69 while laying on our sides. We fed each other our love staffs for several glorious minutes, until Rande, groaning like crazy the whole time, gave into my talents as he let my pole out of his mouth to handle it smoothly, squirted his creamy load down my thirsty gullet!!!

"OOOOHHHHHYEEESSSSSSSS....that's it, my man...AaaaaaahhhhhhhHHHH", Rande proudly declared, feeling magnificent as I was the first to get him off orally since he last had a vacation with our beloved Cindy...

We held onto each other for a while until we caught our breath when I told Rande I wanted to rinse out my cummy mouth with his sweet ass! He agreed as I bent him over and poked between his cheeks with my finger, making him grunt in approval until I replaced my digit with my hungry, hungry tongue.

I'm eating and drinking up his juicy asshole to the point of intoxication, knowing how much he's enjoying this rimming...suddenly, I turn him around and look deep into his eyes; we both anticipate what's about to transpire, and neither of us heistate, urged on further by the taste and aroma of his rump...

We gather on the reinforced table, with Rande laying down on his back as I pull his strong legs apart before placing them on my shoulders. I then sink my pulsing erection in his hottest, most private hole with him hoarsely telling me how much he loves this! I relentlessly fuck Rande, just like I had to Cindy, just like he had to me on several glorious occasions! We're howling in raw delight, passionately coupling as friends with common lusts and desires...

Still drilling Rande's butt fiercely, I feel a bit regretful that it's about to end, as I pull my cock out of him and spray my jizz all over his beautiful body, with the last bits landing on his gorgeous face! We're both loving this raw, primal encounter so much, we keep pulling on each other's softening pricks when laying together with my sticky come mixed in our bodies, kissing and fondling to the point where we don't notice...

...two "unexpected" guests walking in after witnessing us going at it from afar; Cindy Crawford, with her companion Rebecca Romijn, telling us that their limo is waiting and asking us if we're ready to join them. After an awkward monent, we agree, quicky throwing some clothes on and eagerly awaiting what Cindy and Becky have in store for us still-horny blokes...

(Part 2 cumming soon!)

Bi Guys Top 50 Femmes

2005-04-06T13:45:00.000-04:00

A fellow bisexual blogger who I will NOT identify w/respect to his wishes has given me the idea to compile the Top 50 ladies he and I would like to "share" together (along with each other).

http://thebabeindex.com/bibabelovers

More comments forthcoming...

MLB Predictions 2005...

2005-04-02T17:55:00.000-05:00

Since some of my fellow bloggers have weighed in re. their opinions on the upcoming baseball season, here's my 295 cents (steroid-enhanced?) worth:

NL East: 1) Atlanta Braves- Every year seems to be the year they can't win this division AGAIN...and once again, they find a way to do it; this year you can thank Tim Hudson.

2) Florida Marlins (Wild Card)- Solid lineup all around, and their pitching may finally begin to live up to the hype. So why are they playing in DOLPHINS Stadium?

3) Philadelphia Phillies- My local, long-time team will be strong offensively, but just offensive with the arms. This year, I may even get around to the new stadium...

4) New York Mets- One New York team that, try as they might, can't BUY their way into the playoffs...Mike Piazza may have to be carbon-dated at this point...

5) Washington Nationals- New location, uniforms...(VERY) old ballpark=same last-place results...

NL Central: 1) St. Louis Cardinals- Won 105 games, two playoff rounds, then failed to show up for the World Series...won't be nearly as good this year, but will get it done in this weak division.

2) Houston Astros- SHOULD have the pitching, but too many offensive questions to take seriously.

3) Cincinnati Reds- A "suprise" pick, which will be the term used if Ken Griffey Jr., Austin Kearns, etc. DON'T suffer season-ending injuries (again).

4) Chicago Cubs- Lost too much HR power in Alou and Sosa (even if they both HAD to go, esp. Sulkin' Sammy), and now Mark Prior and Kerry Wood are becoming the pitching version of Junior Griffey and Cliff Floyd!

5) Milwaukee Brewers/ 6) Pittsburgh Pirates- Not worth commenting on...

NL West: 1) San Diego Padres- Should be able to play (and win) in Petco Park now.

2) San Francisco Giants- No/not enough Barry, no playoffs...that simple.

3) Arizona Diamondbacks- This year's Detroit Tigers in win improvement...nowhere to go but up, after all.

4) Los Angeles Dodgers- Adrian Beltre and Shawn Green OUT...in "favor"of Jose Valentine? HUH???

5) Colorado Rockies- Very bad, and also VERY boring now. How could that be?

Division Series- Padres over Braves, Marlins over Cardinals. NLCS- Marlins over Padres.

AL East: 1) New York Yankees- Free-spending, dominant during the season...now falling short in the playoffs...since when did they become the baseball version of the Dallas Mavericks, only MUCH less likeable?

2) Boston Red Sox (Wild Card)- Sorry, Sox Nation, lightning's not striking two years in a row.

3) Baltimore Orioles- Lots of (old) offense, very little (subpar) pitching...look for Sammy to move on the next year (just as well for all involved)...

4) Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Exciting young team still at least two years away...

5) Toronto Blue Jays- Now recognized as the worst baseball team in Canada.

AL Central: 1) Cleveland Indians- Enough bats and young pitching can steal the division crown away from...

2) Minnesota Twins- Not enough offense to do it, plus the ugliest stadium (inside and out) along with Tampa Bay's in MLB.

3) Chicago White Sox- Going to the "go-go Sox" offensive style, which would be great if this was still 1959.

4) Detroit Tigers- Big steps forward last year, a bit of a step back this year.

5) Kansas City Royals- How in the hell did it come to THIS???

AL West: 1) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim- Too many damn city names, but loaded enough so it won't really matter...

2) Seattle Mariners- Nothing left to lose, and Ichiro might be even better, with more bats driving him in...

3) Texas Rangers- They NEVER seem to have a comptetent pitching staff, do they?

4) Oakland Athletics- Hella tough to play "Moneyball" without a) enough talented players, and b) MONEY!

Division Series- Yankees over Indians, Angels over Red Sox. ALCS- Angels over Yankees.

World Series- Angels over Marlins in 7 games, in Anaheim...or is that "Los Angeles"?

My (baseball) Fantasy Team for 2005...

2005-04-02T17:23:00.000-05:00

Since some of my bloghorts are in Fantasy Leagues, I'd thought I'd share my just-drafted K9Rations squad, representing the sixth team I've played online (my record: 2 1st-place finishes, 2 {very close} third-placers, and one {not-so-close} fourth-place team-last year's :((( ); This year, I picked 11th out of twelve (seems like I'm ALWAYS picking 10th-12th!), so here's the results by round:

1) Carl Crawford, OF (Devil Rays)- JUST missed out on Bobby Abreu...ARRRGH!!

2) Todd Helton, 1B (Rockies)- Best pick available. Solid.

3) Jimmy Rollins, SS (Phillies)- Sewed up an lacking position, and added steals.

4) Victor Martinez, C (Indians)- Another lacking position filled by a young power talent.

5) Oliver Perez, SP (Pirates)- Lots of starting pitchers going, this one can bring it!

6) Trevor Hoffman, RP (Padres)- Same deal with relief pitchers now...

7) Vernon Wells, OF (Blue Jays)- Seems like I'm picking guys from middle-of-the-pack teams...oh oh...

8) Chone Figgins, 2B/3B/OF (Angels)- Speed guy who can be plugged into many positions...nice!

9) Pedro Feliz, 1B/3B/SS (Giants)- Will get a chance to shine as Barry Bonds takes time to deflate his head.

10) Javy Vazquez, SP (Diamondbacks)- The Yankees will regret dumping him (HEH HEH).

11) Bob Wickman, RP (Indians)- Would be nice if he came back like Teri Hatcher.

12) Livan Hernandez, SP (Nationals)- Now doing his strikeout business in Washington (BTW, F-OFF Tom DehypocriteLay!).

13) Ricahrd Hidalgo, OF (Rangers)- Contract year, bandbox park=time to take advantage.

14) Greg Aquino, RP (Diamondbacks)- It's come to this...I groaned out loud when Jose Mesa was picked right ahead of me...that's right, Jose FREAKIN' Mesa...

15) Aaron Boone, 3B (Indians)- Hoping he sticks to his make-a-living sport now.

16) Bronson Arroyo, SP (Red Sox)- Will either be surprisingly good or will suck bad enough that he'll be outtahere by May...

17) Brian Lawrence, SP (Padres)- My rationale here...Pitches for a decent team in THE pitcher's ballpark.

18) Lyle Overbay, 1B (Brewers)- Picking a solid bench at this point...

19) Cliff Floyd, OF (Mets)- Over/Under on games missed to injury in 2005- 43.

20) Ryan Klesko, 1B/OF (Padres)- Bloomed late last year, will have to keep that in mind.

21) Ryan Dempster, RP (Cubs)- What do you mean he's NOT their closer? @%$#^%^&#$%

Not to worry...I'll get to talking about sweet pussies and hard cocks soon enough! :))

Our (formerly dark, now honey blonde) angel is owed an apology...

2005-04-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

In his NBA season preview, ESPN's Bill Simmons stated, "you wonder is (Indiana Pacer) Jamaal Tinsley is going to be like Taye Diggs and Jessica Alba- you keep waiting for their careers to take off, and it never happens."

Well, chew on THIS, "Sports Guy"*http://boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart

The long and growing line of Albaholics forms here, where CindyLover, JenO, KMB, Kira'sSlave, butchrosser, myself and millions of others await your eating of crow for this misguided statement, based on the evidence presented...

*He's been pissing me off on a few other things; remind me to rake him over re. that later

The guest list for the "Elleabration"...

2005-03-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

...to unconditionally worship at the altar of Her Elleness: Aisha Tyler, Alesssandra Ambrosio, Cameron Diaz, Eliza Dushku, Elizabeth Hurley, Estella Warren, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Josie Maran, Laura Prepon, Lauren Graham, Lucy Pinder, Maria Menounos, Marisa Miller, Mischa Barton, Naomi Watts, Nicole Kidman, Rebecca Romijn, Serena Williams, Stacy Keibler, Uma Thurman, assorted male celebs, and devoted cyber-admires of "The Body". Bring your appetites and desires...

Happy Birthday, Elle...you rock (as always)!!!

2005-03-29T15:06:00.000-05:00

Because there's no getting enough of "The Body":

http://img65.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img65&image=elle21cg.jpg

Together Again...Naturally (the sequel)

2005-03-26T17:20:00.000-05:00

(The follow-up to the stories found under that title on CSSA that I've finally managed to dig up most of)

Starring: Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, "John", and "Victor"...

On the morning after his time with Nicole Kidman and her young lover Victor, John had some questions he needed answered, if only to ease his mind a bit. Was this all just a wonderful dream (obviously not, as he spotted Charlize getting ready for the day in the bathroom)? Was this just a one-time thing with the couple? Who was Charlize talking to on the cell phone before (at first, that didn't concern him, but he figured she was on more than once...)? Most pressing of all, what did it mean when he and Victor embraced and fondled each other at the end of last night's session, when they ended up "sleeping together" (in the literal sense, along with their gals)???

"Vic had to leave early; he was called to take an early conference-call meeting for an upcoming project that may involve Nicole, who left with him", Charlize explained to John as he joined her in the bathroom. "So...was it good for you too, love?"

"Well, I have no complaints, especially with Nicole. Dear Lord, who'd thought she had it in her to be so wild and..."

"I was referring to Victor, silly guy!", Charlize teased. "It seemed like you were ready to have a good time with him, until we all conked out for the night. You know, kind of like with me and Nicole..."

"Oh...you see...", John paused with a bit of hesitation, "We got caught up in the heat of the moment, and I swear I could smell your sweet scent on him, and before I knew it, it was like we were drawn together by some kind of magnetic force..."

"It's okay, sweetie", Charlize kindly assured him. "I could understand having an attraction to him; after all, I did enjoy him myself, and I don't mind if you want to 'cross over', as long as I know about it, in full detail."

John for once could not respond to Charlize, a woman he would risk his well-being just to be near, telling him he could have a mutual "fuck buddy" (and not just female). He pondered if he even wanted this for himself, until the sight of Charlize putting on a tight black belly-shirt and low-cut jeans over her thong bikini outfit eased his mind somewhat.

"Oh by the way, Nicole and I are planning a special 'girl's day out'; Vic will probably be busy all day, and Nic said she wanted to call her family up tonight, but they let us know we could come over to their place to relax, just you and me this time", Charlize soothed to her guy.

"It's a date!", John happily replied with a passionate hug to his blonde honey, whose angelic face and curvy bod felt most right to him, under any circumstance...

After working on his tan and body-surfing later that day on the beaches of Hawaii, John found himself in Nicole's luxurious hideaway that evening, taking the time to get a cleansing shower and listen to some rockin' music on the stereo. He then felt fully relaxed and couldn't wait for Charlize to join him to resume their vacation paradise together.

Everything was going smoothly when without warning, the power in the place went out, leaving John stranded in the dark, silent room. He figured that a brief late-afternoon storm may have caused this, deciding to calmly wait out the darkness due to having no other choice, basically...

About 15 minutes had passed when much to John's surprise, the stereo resumed playing, not with the music of AC/DC, but a selection from the "Moulin Rouge" soundtrack! John found this to be odd, wondering what was going on, when suddenly the lights regenerated, and out came his lover Charlize, vamping over to him with her hair frosted platinum blond, wearing a tight cream whale-boned corset that squeezed her body oh so right, with her long legs encased in sheer nude stockings and stiletto heels. He was instantly mesmerized to the point where he dropped to his knees, taking in the sight and sweet aroma of his goddess...

John then arose to give Charlize a tight hug and deep, soulful kiss, arousing them both as they slow-danced in each other's arms, now oblivious to the music. Charlize gave him a playfully wicked look, sending John back down to remove her heels, as he palmed and kissed around her stocking-covered legs, zeroing on her instep as he enjoyed the taste and smell of her feet and toes covered in nylon, causing him to adjust his tented shorts as Ms. Theron loved the kinky attention she received from her guy...

Charlize now made her way to their host's bed, leading the nearly nude John along to place him flat on his back. She then squatted above him to give him an eyeful of her still in her sexy, old-style outfit. Knowing he enjoyed the view immensly, Charlize did a sexy strip out of her corset, leaving her in her damp bikini bottom and hosiery while John paused to lick her yummy navel.

"Ready for a big, juicy slice of my honeypie, Johnny?", Charlize cheerfully gushed, as John could only answer by placing his face in her soaked underwear, obviously pleased and erect in his predicament. Ms. Theron swayed back-and-forth while struggling to remove her bottom, finally removing the wet garment as she dropped herself on John's gratified face.

Due to this hot arrangement, John now had the dual pleasure of inhaling Charlize's tender cunny and also absorbing the fragrant scent around her ass, to the delight of both, as his skilled tongue made her pant hotly. An unexpected surprise for John came in the form of a wet mouth slurping away on his stiffened lovepole...or so he thought, as he figured not even the athletic Charlize was in position to do this to him; perhaps she was making him feel so good on his face, that his imagination was working in overdrive. John then decided to relax and focus on the heavenly treat of Charlize's smooth, tasty pussy, rather than how good his cock felt in someone's imaginary mouth...

"OHHHHHH, AHHHHHH, I'M FEELIN' IT POUR OUT OF ME, JOHNNY, MY HOT YOUNG BUCK...MAKE ME SPILL IT, YOU MANLY STUD, ALL OVER YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!", the statuesque South African blonde wailed as the sensations from her labia and clit overtook her. John could only respond by diving in as deeply as he could, placing his nose in her humid bud hole. This was the clincher as Charlize unleashed her pussy tonic while exhaling, "AAHHHHYEAHH THAT HITS THE SPOT, BIG BOY, SO FUCKIN' NICE, OOOHHHH, HOW'S THAT BEEFSTICK OF YOURS FEELIN RIGHT NOW..."

John could only mutter "so fucking good" as his face was still joyously buried in her honey holes while Charlize still quaked from her deepest orgasm at the hands and tongue of her most attentive lover yet.

After another minute, Charlize removed herself from John's face, presumably to lavish attention to his lower regions, which as it turned out, were already being attended to: as John now adjusted to the now brightly-lit room and sexy voice of Nicole singing over one of the sound-track tunes, he realized that his equipment HAD been lovingly worked on...

...by none other than Victor, who still eagerly slurped away on him like there was no tomorrow, while Charlize sexily rubbed her hands all over Vic's body, looking teasingly at John, who could only pant in pure ecstasy from the treatment he received...

"Ooohyeah, his gorgeous mouth feels so goood on you, just like mine does, Johnny?", Charlize slyly asked as she sidled over to him, using her own warm mouth on his hardened nipples while Victor sucked him off superbly. Now seated on the bed comfortably, John could feel every fiber of his being tingling at this point, not the least his blood-engorged stalk that Victor and now Charlize were both licking like it was the most delicious candy cane ever made.

John could hardly contain his excitement, he brazenly held onto Victor's head to further ignite them, while Charlize made a tongue-trail from his nuts to his legs, until she treated herself to his toes, returning the act he performed for her earlier. Once Victor got him fully wet with his abundant saliva, he used his hand to sensuously stroke John's pole, which they also found highly pleasing while Charlize made her way over to Victor's firm, toned rear end...

The guys took this time to furiously mouth-kiss each other, more seriously than the night before, as their excitement for each other could no longer be denied, particularly when Charlize found her way between Victor's glutes, lavishing areas he hardly thought were possible to arouse this fully. All three of these hot beings did this in loud, deep grunts and moans over the music, with John crying out in full delight, not far from erupting for his newest sexual comrade...

...when the music suddenly stopped, getting the attention of the minimally dressed trio, when in walked a very different Nicole Kidman from the night before, made up as if on the set of "Moulin Rouge" wearing a cherry-red corset, elbow-length black gloves, patterned black seamed stockings and high-heeled f-me pumps, with her hair colored a darker red, effectively giving her the "bad girl" look. Victor, Charlize, and John all looked at her in awe and fear, stunned by her presence and what she had caught them doing...

"So...", Nicole intoned icily toward Charlize and John, with Victor lodged between them, "...you two trollops were hell-bent on corrupting my man behind my back?"

"Uhh...it wasn't like that, exactly", John nervously responded as Nicole strolled over to them, with a hard look in her eyes before revealing...

"Hey, I didn't say STOP, you crazy guys!", she cracked haughtily, then giggled giddily to her man and Charlize once she got the 'shocked' reaction she looked for from John, now standing up before Victor, who knelt in front of him, as the women surrounded him to explain how their plan came together...

"Nic and I thought we could get you guys together for some fun, and once we arranged getting us all in the same place, we knew we could see this through", Charlize sweetly told John as Victor resumed sucking him and Nicole erotically gave him a deep bite on his neck, to which John's only response was planting a deep, soulful kiss on the mouth of his blonde honey...

Charlize then took her place on the richly carpeted rug to work on Victor's butthole with her fingers, as Nicole fully sank her hot, red-painted mouth down John's throat, fueling his desires for the hot trio into overdrive. He could only declare how good this all felt by gushing, "Ohhhhyeaahh...I'm coming, coming for you, Charlize", as Nicole pulled back from him and saucily rubbed his erect nipples with her velvety gloves. "Yes Nicole, yes, I'll come for you, too", as he looked into the blue eyes of his other temptress, working up a clean, healthy sweat in the process, during which Ms. Theron joined Victor to lavish attention on his cock.

"Don't you have someone else you'd like to honor with your come?", Nicole sexily asked John, right before she lowered her head to bite hard on his right nipple, as Charlize tenderly teased his balls with her soft tongue.

"AAAAAHHHHYES, YES, YESSS, VICTOR, IT'S COMING, TAKE MY GOOEY LOAD DOWN PLEASE...YEAAAAHHHH...SO GOOOOODDD...", John moaned and shivered in bliss as he poured his juice into Victor's receptive mouth while the femmes continued to caress his body, moistened by the sweat, warm saliva, and pure scent of his three good friends...

Some time later...

The two couples were now relaxing comfortably in each other's arms, still on a delirious high from the last session...Ms. Kidman and Victor began kissing each other with great passion, both enjoying the residue of John's thick come, while Ms. Theron and John, though momentarily spent from the orgasms their dear friends had brought out of them, tenderly pressed against each other, feeling the bond between them grow closer as a result of being pleasured by one of their own...

The feeling for them was so wonderful, they hardly noticed that Victor and Nicole excused themselves from the room, ostensibly to "freshen up" in the main bedroom.

"Well, Johnny, I was just thinking...", paused Charlize with a very blissful smile lighting up her beautiful face. "...that it'd be a good time for you to do a bit of 'role-playing' for us...that is if you're 'up' for it!""Oh, I have a feeling I will be, with the right persuasion, of course!", replied the ever-curious John.

"I've got all the gear in my carry-on bag, and the second bedroom is free for our usage; that should give us about two hours...plenty of time to get ready", assured the crafty blonde beauty.

Coincidentally, two hours was the time Nicole and her servant Victor needed as well, as Victor kneeled before her to kiss, caress, and suck on her delicious stocking-covered feet. Nicole graciously allowed her servant to work on himself this time, much to his gratitude, as she had instructed him not to when he played with John. He also freely admitted how much he enjoyed how Nicole's pretty feet smelled after she had them in her ultra-sexy, very expensive high heels for most of the day during her meetings...

This highly kinky, very arousing session continued when Nicole stood up, removed most of her soaked undergarments, then offered her heavenly ass for Victor, who continued to stroke off as he obeyed Nic's commands to lap her sweet cheeks good, then rim away at her hot little puckered ring. Both were moaning hotly from this act, when Victor announced that he needed to release his fluids. Nicole graciously allowed him to do so, looking down at one of her shoes, as Victor took the hint and unloaded inside her left black leather pump, much to their enjoyment as they treated themselves to Vic's contents inside.

After they shared the hot semen from her expensive shoe/sex aid, Nicole allowed Victor to shower, as Charlize called her up on her private cell phone, informing her that she and her "friend" were now ready for her. The extremely pleased Nicole asked Charlize to give her another 15 minutes to "compose" herself (wickedly grinning as she said this) so she could, among other things, put on a fresh pair of stockings and an un-used pair of black heels, both of which she came across from her most recent shopping session at the most exclusive lingerie shop in Europe...

Fifteen anxious minutes later...

"Allow me to introduce my good friend 'Joannie' from way back", Charlize informed Nicole, who gave her a good, long, look-over, and was generally impressed by what she saw. Joannie was decked out to the hilt in a shoulder-length blonde wig, a black push-up underwire bra, matching garter belt, stockings, and open-toe stilettos that contrasted (fairly) well with the outfits Nicole and Charlize were wearing, though Ms. Kidman was currently keeping her ensemble hidden under an oversized trenchcoat.

"I think she'll get along nicely with us", Nicole stated as she took off the cumbersome garment, exposing her new outfit...a black merry-widow with garters, seamed hose with reinforced heel and toe, standing on SEVEN-inch platform heels, as she strolled over to the blonde duo she now towered over. This revelation made Joannie grateful that "her" bikini briefs were an especially larger size, as they could barely contain the excitement provided by Nicole, who had a surprise of her own to unveil..."Allow ME to introduce you two sluts to MY companion...'BIG RED'!", Nicole intoned to the blondes, who were mesmerized to the point where they could only sink to their knees to worship the life-like 10-inch long crimson appendage that hung between Nicole's long, lovely legs. "I think 'Big Red' needs soome good, tender, loving care...preferably with your lips and mouth..."

Joannia and Charlize proceeded to do just that, and so much more, with their hungry mouths on Nicole's "cock", moaning and slurping louder than usual, as Mistrees Nicolehad ordered. They were so hot for a nice long object down their throats, they could hardly contain themselves, using their hands to fondle Nicole's stocking-clad legs as they united to fellate her. They also held onto each other as they worked to satisfy Nicole, who now blatantly thrust her hips forward to fuck their mouths and faces...

This went on for a good twenty minutes until Nicole demanded they stop, then inspected Joannie's unusually full bikini bottom, tearing it away to reveal...

"SO...we have a RINGER among us???", she directed her anger to Charlize.

"I am truly shocked and appalled", Ms. Theron answered in mock surprise. "What shall we do with this hot little cross-dressing tramp that struts among us?"

"I'll tell you what YOU'RE going to do, Missy Blonde...under my command, you're gonna take that slutty mouth of yours and use it for its one GOOD purpose; to bathe her corn-hole so it's nice and wet, ready for 'BIG RED' to zoom into overdrive!"

This order from Nicole sent shivers of excitement and fear down the spine of Joannie, who now had to deal with Charlize rimming "her" tight ring as Nicole whipped "her" face and back with BIG RED, leaving some painful, visible welts on Joannie.

"OK, enough humiliation for you, 'Char-sleaze'...time to punish this whore together!", Nicole wickedly stated as Joannie's reddened asshole was now spread wide open enough for the next step...

FHM's Sexiest of 2005 (US edition)...

2005-03-24T14:22:00.000-05:00

Those in bold concur with MY Top 100...

100-91: Roselyn Sanchez, Rebecca Romijn, Milla Jovovich, Natallie Gulbis, Brande Roderick, Alicia Keys, Courtney Hanson, Jennifer Hansen, Kelly Clarkson, Logan Tom.

Analysis: Not much to say, except to welcome back the improving-in-her-sex appeal Alicia and wondering about Rebecca's apparent decline...

Don't know (enough) about- Natalie G, the Hans(o/e)ns, Logan Tom.

90-81: Kristi Leskinen, Monica Bellucci, Jennifer Connelly, Jaime Pressly, Mayra Veronica, Kelly Ripa, Alessandra Ambrosio, Molly Sims, Denise Richards, Ashanti.

Analysis: Nice to see the emergence of the delectable Alessandra (Kira's Slave should be rejoycing as well), who should only rise further on these kinds of lists in the years to come...Monica, on the other hand, is scandalously ranked too low, esp. given that she was in two of the biggest movies (even if they were NOT worthy of her); the UK and French lists should be more (rightfully) kind...

Don't know about- Kristi and Mayra (despite making last year's list, her name still doesn't register with me).

Enough already- Jaime Pressly, Kelly Ripa (her sitcom is SO unwatchable!), Denise Richards (looks foolish from the Sheen split, plus seems to play up the "dumb blonde" stereotype since unwisely switching to that hue).

80-71: Sofia Vergara, Amanda Beard, Kaley Cuoco, Rachel Bilson, Shakira, Evangeline Lilly, Heather Graham, Morgan Webb, Katie Holmes, Kate Beckinsale.

Analysis: Rachel B is growing on me very nicely, Evangeline just made my top 100, I haven't quite warmed up to Kate Becks yet ("Van Helsing" didn't help), and Shakira needs to re-emerge real soon (here's betting/hoping she will).

Don't know about- Morgan Webb.

70-61: Emma Bunton, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta Jones, Uma Thurman, Neve Campbell, Gisele Bundchen, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Landi Swanepoel, Anna Kournikova, Estella Warren.

Analysis: For me, there's only ONE model "Body" (hint: she's from Austalia, and her name is pronounced as a letter), and that Brazilian wannabe ain't it! At least my Canadian wonder finally broke through...

Don't know about- Landi Swanepoel.

Enough Already- That Spice Girl, Sarah Michelle (*YAWN*), that "Brazilian wannabe"...

60-51: Kate Bosworth, Amanda Righetti, Jennie Finch, Lucy Liu, Katherine Heigl, Jenny McCarthy, Eva Mendes, Mischa Barton, Penelope Cruz.

Analysis: Stunned that the popular-with-my-fellow-bloggers Mischa didn't rise much higher, but pleased that the athletic Jennie broke through (without a layout), as well as "the other" Eva...

Enough Already- Jenny McCarthy (1996/97 has long since passed...otherwise, why not select Winona Ryder and Gillian Anderson as well?)

50-41: LeeAnn Rimes, Natalie Portman, Anna Benson, Kate Hudson, Eliza Dushku, Elizabeth Hurley, Maggie Grace, Tara Reid, Jamie-Lynn Discala, Jennifer Aniston.

Analysis: What I said about Evangeline goes for Maggie also...Anna B probably rates higher than her pitcher husband does on Fantasy Baseball lists...too, TOO, low a ranking for the delectable Natalie and Eliza...

Enough Already- LeeAnn Rimes (no appeal outside the "red" states, which I'm not from), Kate "dull as spackle" Hudson, Meadow Soboringprano...

40-31: Reese Witherspoon, Adriana Lima, Eva Longoria, Janet Jackson, Josie Maran, Mandy Moore, Beth Ostrosky, Shania Twain, "them" (or, "yuks", as I prefer to call them), Jennifer Lopez.

Analysis: Eva L rated MUCH lower than expected/deserved...sweet, SWEET Josie is back with a venegance!!!

Enough Already- Reese (way TOO "mom-like" for her age/career point, even in her roles), Janet (more of a boob than we reallized), JLo (thankfully on the decline, both with FHM AND her career), "them" (should be GONE in a "New York Minute"!)...

30-21: Gwen Stefani, Faith Hill, Krisin Kreuk, Christina Aguilera, Vida Guerra, Heidi Klum, Jenna Jameson, Brooke Burke, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel.

Analysis: Gwen, Vida, and Jessica B are growing on me increasingly, but Jessica Alba is going in the WRONG direction (down from 13 last year??? Just for the "Sin City" poster alone, she should be rocketing to the top!); WAKE UP, voters!!!

Enough Already- Christina Haguilera, maybe Faith Hill, at least on this level (sorry to say).

20-11: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Maria Sharapova, Carmen Electra, Beyonce Knowles, Jessica Simpson, Mariah Carey, Leeann Tweeden, Cameron Diaz, Salma Hayek, Keira Knightley.

Analysis: LOADED with fantasy talent here, both young (Keira, Beyonce, the soon-to-be legal Maria) and veteran perennials (Mariah, Salma, and yes, Cameron- for OVER a decade now, amazingly!)

Top 10 coming, with individual analysis...

Mmmm...Jessica...

2005-03-23T17:08:00.001-05:00

Because words can't do her justice...

http://img139.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img139&image=jessicaalba32205jtlateshow877n.jpg

When I (finally) recover, I'll have more to say; you know a Fantasy Session is due for this sweet young thing (anyone willing to participate?)... :<3

Now up to 100...

2005-03-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

http://thebabeindex.com/muffinman

The more, the merrier I am (as well as my fellow babelovers), right? :))

The first 64 are ranked, the rest are listed alphabetically (last name)- it's dificult to rank individuals at a certain point; I share that sentiment with Victor...

Gwen's Stefani & her luscious legs on "The Late Show"...

2005-03-22T14:47:00.000-05:00

http://img26.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img26&image=gwenstefani32105lateshow989if.jpg

OH DEAR LORD!!! :<3...

What I wouldn't do to worship that goddess' stems from hip to toe (esp. those calves!)...

Now I know how CindyLover feels on a regular basis :))...

And to think that's only a prelude to Jessica Alba tonight!!! :-<3

"Housewives" update...

2005-03-19T13:36:00.000-05:00

Seems that the complaints of yours truly and New York Daily News TV columnist David Bianculli have been heeded, sort of; there WILL be an episode airing tomorrow in its regular time slot- a repeat, yes, but one worth seeing again (the networks seem esp. rerun-happy in the Sunday 9PM slot, as a repeat of "The Simpsons"* fills yet another dead spot for Fox)...

In other joyous entertainment news, "The Passion Recut" (aka "a slightly edited version of the most-watched snuff film ever"), did a "whopping" $223,789 on 957 screens last weekend, for an average of $234 per screen, which rounds out to about 25-29 paying customers over the entire weekend per screen, breaking down to about 2-3 misguided souls per showing!!! As usual, "South Park" put it best about this "film" in their classic "The Passion of the Jew" episode...

*despite the opinion of the lovely JenO, "The Simpsons" are STILL very much worth watching!

A big ol' FU-Drop Dead to the following...

2005-03-17T14:17:00.000-05:00

Be assured that the only way these examples of walking waste would show up in my fantasies were if it involved a chainsaw being used on them...

Star Jones (vile beyond belief, as Jon Stewart so smartly pointed out)

Peter Travers (scumbag/sexist movie critic that "writes" for "Rolling Suck" magazine who trashed my sweeties Charlize and Cameron and therefore must eat SARS)

Lowry Mays (head of Clear Channel/fascist)

Robert Blake (lucky bastard who won't shut his pie hole)

Lara Flynn Boyle/Courtney Love/Chyna (Plastic) Doll... aka. the bizzaro Charlize/Halle/JenG

Brian Nichols (mass murderer who needs to be turned into gruel)

Any politician(s) who wastes our time with "steroid hearings" when we've got much more serious issues...

Anna Nicole Smith/Kirstie Alley/Rosie O'Donnell (shut the F up, please!!!)

Jimmy Fallon/Asshead Kutcher/Freddie Prinze, Jr./Chris Klein (very, very bad actors who waste our time and movie studio money/film stock)

Sharon Stone and Demi Moore (please retire already, because no one CARES!)

ALL politicos who are against ANY marriage between consenting adults who love each other regardless of gender, race, etc. ...

and my choice for "heinous BITCH of the month...Whitney Matheson (unfunny, malodorous on-line columnist that desecrated my Goddess Queen Elle Macpherson and therfore must die a horrible death)...

Sorry for the hostility, but it needed to be said. I'll try to cool off with my newly purchased GQs of JenG (also w/Marisa Miller!) and Jessica Alba :)); I'm sure my logging based on that "research" will be MUCH more pleasant :<3...

FIVE weeks between "Desperate Housewives" episodes???

2005-03-15T15:49:00.000-05:00

Last one Feb. 20th, next one March 27th (Easter Sunday???) :((

C'mon, ladies, time to get back to work...

C'mon, ABC, quit wasting our time with "Jake in Progress", not to mention "According to Jim" and "Rodney" (wishing I didn't now)...

Oh yes, there will be a fantasy session eventually (C'mon Teri, Eva, Marcia, Nicollette, Felicity, etc. :-)) ; hey, I can't stay mad at THEM because of their network's scheduling inefficiency)...

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY, EVA (can't wait to give you my "special present" tonight :<3)!!!

Grading the femmes at Oscar 2005...

2005-03-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

ZERO stars: Star Jones (quite probably the most vile celeb on the planet right now).

1/2 star: Renee Zelwegger, Barbara Strident.

* star: Melanie Griffith, Kathy Griffin.

* 1/2 stars: Sandra Oh.

** stars: Gisele Bundchen, Annette Bening, Gwyneth Paltrow.

** 1/2 stars: Julia Roberts, Laura Linney.

*** stars: Natalie Portman, Maggie Gyllenhall, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson.

*** 1/2 stars: Hilary Swank, Cate Blanchett, Emmy Rossum, Zhang Ziyi, Penelope Cruz, Kirsten Dunst.

**** stars: Beyonce Knowles, Kate Winslet, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Virginia Madsen.

**** 1/2 stars: Elle Macpherson, Eva Longoria (both at the Vanity Fair party only, but so smokin' hot they NEEDED to be included), Salma Hayek.

***** stars: Charlize Theron, Halle Berry (big surprise, eh? Made up for Sean Penn, you have to admit...).

Proof there is a god after all...

2005-02-26T13:32:00.000-05:00

http://www.jake25.com/Jake25_NewsFormat_News.html

Preapre to worship (some more) :))...

Fantasy Session 05-IV

2005-02-14T17:26:00.000-05:00

Starring: Charlize Theron, Jennifer Garner, along with MuffinMan...

"Happy Birthday, sweet baby!"

With that excited statement, Charlize took off the blindfold covering my eyes, allowing me to view her and Jennifer Garner, both greeting me in the finest silk gowns (Charlize in midnight blue, Jennifer in sparkling silver). I shouldn't have been surprised that my lady would give me such a wonderful gift; after our time apart, she never failed to make our time together anything less than extra-special...

This time would be no exception, and not just because Charlize had colored her hair jet-black (to contrast with Jennifer's sexy dark brown locks) in a medium-cut bob, along with obtaining a real tan from her "down time" in the Carribean. While I drank in her never-ending beauty, Jen G. skillfully removed my clothing from my body until I was down to my underwear, not minding that she had slighly torn my shirt a bit, though I was in no position to protest given that I was still handcuffed behind my back at Charlize's insistence...

Ms. Garner, now playfully tickling my hardening nipples a bit, began to nuzzle my neck from behind as Charlize strolled over to me while she shimmyed out of her gown, down to her thong bikini bottom (her favorite as well as mine) and heels, letting me soak in her proportionally tanned body as my erection began to crest in my shorts...

"Ohhhmy, looks like the birthday boy needs his candle put out", JenG chirped delightfully to her femme partner in crime.

"I'll let you assist with the honors; it's his special birthday wish, after all!", Charlize allowed, as she temporarliy released my from my cuffs with the understanding that I would not use them "outside her orders".

Soon, I was laying on my back on the bed, my hands now shackled to the bedpost. Though I was expecting a supreme hummer from the femmes, Jennifer instead helped herself to my legs, unencumbered by hair as Charlize had shaved and waxed my body clean that morning ("Smooth as a baby's behind-almost", my love had remarked as I endured the pain and pleasure of the hot wax). Miss Garner magically worked her beautifully plump lips along my limbs before sensuously nibbling on my toes while Charlize tenderly coated my chest area with some of the cherry frosting left over from my cake.

I began crying in pure joy as Jennifer now fellated my big toe and Charlize bit hard on each of my nipples-not quite enough to draw blood but sufficient to make me howl in delight! My throbbing hard-on, which had not been touched at that point, felt it was ready to burst fire; every fiber of my being was tingling that I swear I could hear it. Leave it to Charlize to handle the situation properly...

"Look out Jennifurry, his candle's ready to go off!!!", Charlize excitedly shrieked right after munching on my nipples some more. JenG now gave my flesh candle some wickedly good licks while handling my hairless balls very roughly. I began sweating and screaming obscenities of joy as Charlize now bit hard on my neck, leaving a special "birthday" welt, while Jennifer jerked my pole (greased up good by her saliva and some maple extract) rapidly, as my jizz shot in the air, much of it landing on the pretty face of Miss Garner, who began laughing in rapture as it soaked her. Charlize noticed this and nuzzled her sexy friend/lover so she could enjoy my seed...a prelude to both ladies enjoying each other's small yet perky breasts and delectably hard, brown nipples, as I watched in amazement while still cuffed to the bed...

It became difficult to determine who was enjoying my birthday more- Charlize, as she made Jennifer's pussy leak uncontrollably from the way she manipulated her body like a fine musical instument; Jennifer, responding to this by eating out Charlize's magnificent ass at will; or myself, who had the privilege this evening of witnessing these goddesses devour each other's bodies like they were the most delicious substances ever made- which could have been argued in their favor...

"Hey you, time to stop spectating and get in the game!!", Jennifer intoned to me as the ladies placed me on all fours for me to do their bidding. They coated my rear with the finest imported honey that we all became addicted to (along with our bodies), until Jennifer squatted in front of me, her delectable muffin ready for me to feed on...

As I dined on Ms. Garner's pink pussy folds, loving the scent her chestnut hairs above gave off, Charlize kept herself fed, eating up my honey-coated rear, probing my ring with her soft feminine tongue. I twitched uncontrollably back there, making me moan and gasp into Jennifer's tender girlflesh.

Charlize shamelessly continued to tongue-fuck me, making Jennifer shake all over in delight, spreading her legs wider to give me full access to her heavenly treat. I felt like I was a sexual conductor between these two beautiful babes, the way their electricity flowed through me. Jennifer expelled her hot cream all over my face, right before Charlize pulled me up to kiss me with our open mouths, so she could enjoy Jen's fantastic flavor and I could sample the taste of my asshole drenched in honey...

"There's more of that good stuff to enjoy", Charlize assured me as she got the jar of honey, gathering its remaining contents to smear all over her shaved pussy and equally bare, magnificent ass. I dare not resist the opportunity to make like Yogi Bear and gorge myself on Charlize's honey-coated ass; speaking of "bare" desires, Jennifer promptly kneeled in front of Charlize to feast from her sticky-sweet pussy; she got a mouthful of Theron goodness while I stood up and buffed my torpedo for a my ultimate birthday treat, sinking it in my angel's honey-lubed poop chute...

"OOOOOOHHHHHYEAHHHBAYBEEEEE...FUCKMEEEEEHARDDDD...", Charlize cries in raw delight as she's getting it from both ends; my cock monster coring her asshole while Jennifer devours her hairless honeypie. Charlize gushes her juices all over Jennifer, drenching her pretty face and hair as I pull out of her plumper to shake my tool and release my molten lava on Charlize's seat cheeks! Hot Damn!!!

Jennifer gets behind Charlize to assist me in drinking the jizz/honey/girlcum off Charlize's heavenly ass...I enjoy yet another birthday treat, allowing the sneaky Ms. Garner to grab my hands and cuff them behind my back!

Now I was the prey for the sexual predators Charlize and JenG...they both grinned at me wickedly, demnading that I serve THEIR needs!

They start by having me lick and suck on their toes- first Jennifer, then Charlize make me their foot slave...aaaahhhhhyesss, their piggies feel nice in my mouth, especially where they wiggle them inside. I also like sucking on their big toes...bigger and harder than their delightful clits, not quite as long as a cock, but tasty all the same...

After they have enough of this, they step back and kiss each other deeply while palming their hot cunts...first their own, then over to each others. It's so hot as these ladies love each other in front of me, by the time they suck on their diamond-hard nipples, I BEG them for relief!

"Shall we GIVE him 'relief'?", Jennifer queried to Charlize.

"It's his birthday, silly...of COURSE my sweetie deserves it...all OVER him!!!"

With La Theron's directive, they forced me in front of their steamy clams as they continued groping together. They were clearly overcome by the emotions they felt toward me, as well as each other, ordering me to open wide as they at once released their streaming hot love liquid, just as Charlize sang to me, with Jennifer joining in...

"Happy Birthday, sweet baby...happy birthday to you! You look oh so thirsty...so eat up...all our GOO!!!"

Then it hit me...Charlize and Jennifer's refreshingly sweet, tasty puren...both drenching my lucky face at once, pouring out of their vaginas, mixing as one as it soaked down my throat, into my skin...OHHHHHSOGODDDAMNDELICIOUS!!!

"MMMMMM...I LOVEYOU... LOVEYOULOVEYOUSOVERYMUCH... FOREVER&EVERMYSWEETLEEZEY!!!", I could only cry out in unbribled joy as Charlize held me tenderly to her bosoms, while Jennifer mercifully freed me out of the confining cuffs, per my lady's request...

The fabulous femmes then lay down with me to lap up their purenation for themselves, sharing it with me as the three of us kissed as one, with their hot, tender bodies pressed against mine. I was no longer cuffed, but was still very happily their love captive, for them to enjoy as they saw fit...

Playboy's 25 Sexiest Celebs (so they say)

2005-02-14T17:16:00.000-05:00

Pamela Anderson, Kate Beckinsale, Halle Berry*, Brooke Burke*, Carmella DeCesare, Cameron Diaz*, Kirsten Dunst*, Carmen Electra, Salma Hayek*, Paris Hilton^#, Jenna Jameson, Heidi Klum*, Beyonce Knowles*, Anna Kournikova, Jennifer Lopez^ Jenny McCarthy, Eva Mendes, Jamie Pressly^, Denise Richards, Rebecca Romijn*, Victoria Silvstedt, Jessica Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith^ (?!??!?!), Britney Spears, Charlize Theron*.

My verdict(s): 15 blondes (primarily), 9 who've posed for the magazine, 11 who've appeared on the cover, 9 who I concur with for "Top 25" honors*, 4 obnoxious, unsexy assheads^, and ONE giant turd/douche sandwich#...

Fantasy Session 05-III

2005-02-03T18:51:00.000-05:00

Starring: Elle Macpherson. Heidi Klum, Josie Maran, along with MuffinMan...

I was putting in some long, productive hours with my boss Elle Macpherson, head of "Elle Macpherson Intimates", at her main office (where I rank as a top "idea man") in balmy Sydney, Austrailia when she graciously invited me to her private yacht off the Gold Coast of Brisbane for some "special brainstorming sessions"...

Later that weekend night, I found myself greeted by her in a white bathrobe when she told me she needed to steer the boat out of harbor into the warm, moon-lit section of the ocean, which would help with our "creative inspiration". I agreed with the awesome Aussie when she instructed me to relax in the boat's lower private room, which she said also served as her "special office"...

I strode below decks while waiting for Elle to naviagate us to privacy, waiting when I turned on the lights, only to be further inspired...this time by the sight of a sexy blonde and an equally sexy brunette on Elle's bed, both decked in Elle's edilble lingerie (that I helped with the designs), which they deliciously, erotically removed from each other with their hungry mouths...

So who's been "eating" in Elle's bed, you ask? To my startled delight, none other than her good friends Heidi Klum and Josie Maran, now virtually naked as a result of Heidi satisfying her own hunger by devouring her co-hort's panties, as the American model/actress seductively invited me over to them with her angelic face and perfect brown eyes...

"Ohhhhhmyyy", Josie could only gasp as she spotted me, just as Heidi zeroed in on her hot little love-button. "Looks like we have company".

She may have directed that line toward Heidi, but the German minx was too busy dining on filet of Josie to be interrupted; meanwhile, I had shed my bothersome clothing, to the delight of Ms. Maran, who playfully asked me how hard I could possibly get...

I gladly showed her be stroking my length as she tweaked her nipples, which were no less hard from her magic touch. As we caressed ourselves in honor of each other, we gazed into each other eyes, fueling our desires, until Josie waved her hand to me, mouthing the words "bring it on", as I brought over every inch of my tool for her pleasure...

Now I was helpfully carressing Josie's magnificent tits while she wolfed down my reddened prick-not to be outdone, Heidi skillfully took her finger to saw back-and-forth on Josie's eager young snatch. The way she finger-fucked her gave off enough heat to furnace the whole boat!

Josie's incomprable sucking was enough to get me to boil over rapidly, just as Heidi's finger-fucking set off Josie's natural flooding. She bucked her pelvis hard against Heidi's magic digit, causing her to jerk me harder. I encouraged her further by nibbling on her earlobe until I reached the point of no return, gasping in great sensation from the carnal appetites of the models, then spilling my baby batter all over Josie's face and open mouth!

As the three of us calmed down a bit from our primal oral actions, a tall, shadowy figure entered the room, startling us a bit, though it was hardly surprising that we were caught by...

"So...starting the party without me, eh?", Elle, now decked in her hottest bra/bikini combo designed by herself, sternly replied. "What amount of 'punishment' will I have to hand out to these disobedient trollps...Heidi?"

"I walked into the room and saw these two harlots going at it", Ms. Klum blatanly lied to the Supreme Goddess Elle.

"WITHOUT my permission???", The Body angrily directed to Josie and me.

"That's not the way it happened..."

"SILENCE!!!", Elle quickly shot down Josie's plea. "You two will bow DOWN to us like the disobedient pets you are! Only Heidi will feel the warmth of my body now", she informed us as Heidi strutted over to her clad only in the edible thong panties and Jimmy Choo f-me heels. "Meanwhile, you can watch us...but not touch yourselves; it's the only way you'll learn- and to avoid our wrath!"

Josie and I were forced to witness the two magnificent Bodys caress and fondle each other, peeling out of their panties until they were down to their heels and their naked glory. As Elle inhaled the heavenly contents of Heidi's undergarments, and her partner did likewise, I took Josie by the hand but did no more, knowing that Elle had installed cameras that would record everything that happened in the room; if we disobeyed her, she would know about it instantly thanks to the "camera alarm"...

(To be continued...)

Fantasy Session 05-II

2005-02-02T16:13:00.000-05:00

Starring "JenO", Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Garner, "Rachel", featuring "special guest stars LP & RM"...

It was supposed to be a big night at the Los Angeles Arena for the LIVE singing debut of teen sensation Lindsay Lohan; much media speculation had been made whether the sweet young entertainer could pull it off. Little did those in attendance for the event know that the performance would never happen; though there would soon be rumors ranging from missed travel arrangements, pure stage fright, to (yet another) hospital stay, the truth would be even more "out there"...

Just minutes before the concert would begin (though Lindsay was not due onstage for another hour, at least), two masked intruders dressed in black bypassed security and babeknapped Lindsay after spiking Lindsay's drink with a mild sedative. They had no problem getting her out of the building in an oversized laundry hamper, then in an oversized SUV, where they drove for several hours before arriving at their destination- a very private getaway in a remote wooded area...

Miss Lohan was taken by the "thugs" to the oversized bed where the "mastermind" awaited her: "Yes, bring her to me", the sexy, stern voice intoned. Once the lights had been fully ignited, the freckled teen, clad in a low-cut top and tight jeans cut below her tummy, was at first shocked, then mesmerized by the sight of her soon-to be-master...

"Oh God yes, do it, do it to me all over as this tart watches", a stark naked Jennifer Garner raspily declared, as her sweet pussy was tended by her loyal assistant/servant Jen O., expertly loving the TV/movie star with her hot, hungry tongue...

To say Lindsay was awestruck by this fine example of female loving was an understatement; upon watching the embodiment of Elektra spasming all over from orgasmic joy, the teen temptress involuntarily stripped down to her (heaving) bra and silk panties. Watching the two Jennifers scorching each other's bodies made her own hot and wet from excitement! La Lohan wanted to stuff her hand right up her sin slot, conseqences be dammed, when at that key moment, Ms. Garner gave an orgasmic scream that could arouse the dead, bucking under the loving mouth of her assistant, who was crying out in uncontrollable joy from the liquid essence of TV's sexiest, spiciest spy...

After Jens G and O calmed down a bit, they turned their attention toward Lindsay. The youngster was speechless from what she had witnessed and began stammering in disbelief, until, JenO, her pretty face drenched from her master's sweet goo, strode toward her frozen form...

"Lick it up, you tender young bitch", the assistant matter-of-factly ordered Lindsay, who did just that as a preface to both Jennifers nuzzling the face, hair, and neck of their intended red-headed prey...

The sweet-but-not-so-innocent Miss Lohan gasped in amazement from the hot-n-heavy double-teaming from the two brunette Jennifers, who at once each helped themselves on one of Lindsay's celebrated breasts. They wantonly licked, sucked, and munched on her amazings, heating her up to an all-time high. No longer did Lindsay concern herself with any of her committments (the concert appearance was long forgotten about from her mind) , especially as she felt her pussy twitch in delight, aided by JenO's sticky fingers...

"OHH MY GODD...OH FUCKKKKYEAHHH...", Lindsay shrieked from all the pleasure, as she felt the goodness coarse through her tits and pussy while the two Jens showed no mercy on her body. "AAAAAHHHHHHH...", the young minx continued to release her orgasmic joy just as the worked-up trio was interrupted by an unexpected female visitor...

"Jen...Jen...is that you??", her dear friend Rachel gasped as JenO now had her face plopped between Lindsay's canyons while JenG now roamed her hands all over the young one's behind. "Oh Dear Lord, how COULD YOU..."

"Whatever do you mean...", JenO inquired as she reluctantly pulled away from her young prey...

"How COULD YOU leave me, YOUR woman, for this...kid...with the big, firm, luscious knockers...", demanded the lovely, distracted Rachel, just before subconsciously falling into JenO's warm, nude body.

Meanwhile, the two "thugs" had come back to catch Rachel, now safely in the arms of her love while Jennifer Garner now forced Lindsay on her hands and knees, the better to have her tender pink asshole rimmed by the leggy one. Her henchmen shrugged at the erotic sights and decided if you can't capture them, unmask each other...

"Oh yes, the more the merrier...", JenO approved as Rachel headed south to explore her now humid, always beautiful pussy, "shocked" at being turned on further by witnessing the blonde Laura Prepon and the brunette Rose McGowan shedding their cumbersome uniforms before playfully wrestling their nude bodies to the floor...

After several glorious minutes of some hot, sweaty sexplay between JenO and Rachel, Laura and Rose, and esp. Lindsay (continually screaming like a banshee at this point) and Jen G, Miss Garner had to pull away; it was time for the ritual of gift-giving...

She reached into a large bag that conveniently looked like the one Lindsay would get for her concert performance to hand out the following goodies: a pair a sheer black hose to Rachel, a large black rubber dildo to Laura, ANOTHER large black rubber dildo to Rose that could easily be attached to Laura's, and finally, as she said, "Use this at your own will, you've earned the right"...

...a solid red ball to her most valued assistant, JenO.

As she now witnessed Laura and Rose on the bed with their legs around each other...with the attached black dildos plunged into their starving muffs while they humped their hot bodies together, as well as her GF Rachel helpfully wrapping the hose onto Lindsay's lower, very wet (and very musky) half, it occured to the "love apprentice" what to do with the red ball in her hot little hand...

"YEAAAAHHHH...that's the sweeeet spot, get it in there, now...OHHHHHFUCKMEEEE..."

Jen G loved how her minion JenO took control of things by rubbing the red ball into her pussy, then manipulating it against her stiffening pink rosebud above. This was soooo hot, it even managed to distract her from the sight of Rachel seductively licking the stockinged feet of Lindsay, still shrieking at the top of her lovely lungs from this oral gratification. It was nice to know her vocal range could reach the proper pitch when motivated...

(To be continued...)

Fantasy Session 05- I

2005-02-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

Starring: Charlize Theron, "Shaun M.", along with MuffinMan...

My top fantasy woman Charlize Theron and I have become big fans of the California University college squad, in the midst of an undefeated championship season led by junior quarterback Shaun Maylord. We both are quite excited after watching every game, because a) we're both fans of the game of football, and b) we work on each other hot and heavy from watching Shaun's moves on the field...

Word gets out that Shaun is a fan of Charlize's movies, so we arranged for a special home-cooked meal for him on the eve of the Cornstalk Bowl that will determine the college champion. We dress semi-formally and find him to be a very pleasant, soft-spoken 20-year-old man who has very conservative, wholesome beliefs. He confides to us that he would like to turn pro after he graduates but is worried that he won't find the right woman to settle down with due to his growing fame. We set his mind at ease before I present the meal Charlize and I have prepared; grilled salmon, rotissiere tenderloin and steamed vegetables. We all enjoy the meal, Charlize in particular as she slowly, seductively chews the food and works her luscious lips and mouth in the direction of Shaun...

Everything proceeds normally, including the convesation about the team and his hobbies, though it becomes apparent that Shaun is squirming a bit in his chair, aware of Charlize's sexy motions. After we finished with a glass of French chilled wine, Shaun thanks us for the meal and for our support when we attended two of the games. I graciously excuse myself to clean the dishes, leaving Shaun alone with Charlize...

She begins the conversation by asking Shaun if he finds her attractive; he tells her he finds her to be very nice and friendly but is saving himself for the right lady. Charlize tenderly takes a strawberry out of the fruitbowl while nimbly crossing her left leg, revealing her lovely bare stem over the slit of her dress. Shaun then accidentally spills his wine on his shirt from this glorious distraction. Charlize humbly apologizes to Shaun, asking if he needs some help with the shirt. When he looks into her sparkling blue eyes, she promises to clean him up very nice before taking her hungry mouth into his while strategically grinding herself into his lap...

By the time I convieniently returned, Charlize had now shed out of her dress, down to her black thong bottom, nibbling and licking Shaun's body all over. I pause to drink in the All-American, now naked from head to toe, owning the body of an Adonis, only better-it turns out that the cocoa-skinned Shaun is a near-perfect, very yummy mixture of Irish, American Indian, Portugese, and African descent. It also turns out he has a really long, hard cock that Charlize is tenderly licking at the head, prompting Shaun to shake in delirious delight...

As Charlize started to fellate him, I notice his heart beating rapidly; it was evident that he was not overly experienced in sexual activity, so Charlize slowed down a bit as I caressed his head to my chest. He was more than a little startled at first, but with the combination of the food and wine taking hold, he relaxed once I took him by the hand and kissed it before allowing him to peck on my upper body. Shaun nervously explained that he couldn't hold out much longer, so Charlize asked if he wanted to come in my mouth and he nodded okay; I knelt down to open my mouth as Charlize lubed his dick first with her wet tongue, then her tender hands. She proceeded to jerk him steadily at first, then a bit faster, gradually building a perfect tempo as he cried out excitedly just before his creamy, rich spunk shot out wide for me to gulp down in delight...

After Charlize and I kissed deeply to enjoy the cream of our latest mutual conquest, Shaun lay between us and confessed that his prior sexual activity with others was limited to jerking off with other guys, some of them teammates. He also tried to supress his fantasies with men, until we assured him that there was nothing wrong with desiring others, that it was a healthy-and fun-part of existing. Charlize asked Shaun if he'd like to taste her and after taking in her awesomely naked body from head to toe, he agreed, starting by licking and munching the nipples of the first female he would enjoy sexually...

Soon, Shaun was faced with Charlize's beautiful, flowering vagina, spread wide for both of us to enjoy. Shaun licked arond the labia while I sank two of my fingers in and out of her opening, lubricating her nicely for what I would later have in store for her. At the moment, Charlize would erupt the first of her orgasms with us, so I was confident in leaving Shaun's side to tend to my blond beauty while I scooted back to examine his firm, yet tender rump...

Once I bit down on his perfect behind I knew there was no turning back. As I slowly but surely probed his back door with my eager finger, Charlize sidled beside us to kiss and drink in our bodies before we whispered our next plan for our guest...

The varsity stud had now kneeled down along with Charlize to eagerly slurp on my manhood; Ms. Theron had helpfully guided him to use his tongue, mouth, and fingers properly on my happy tool while she caressed my balls expertly. While she did this, she whispered in Shaun's ear if she could be his first. Shaun, now fully confident of his cocksucking abilities, agreed without hesitation as Charlize sexily lay back on the king-sized bed...

Shaun Maylord proceeded to do what came naturally for him and gathered on top of Charlize, sinking his dark beauty into my woman's wet folds. I had to admit it was very exciting to watch this stud-in-the-making pumping my honey for all that he was worth. As I watched his gorgeous ass rise up and down in their sweet fucking, I noticed his already dampened crack, and rubbed a leftover strawberry along his sweet cheek. He still happily pumped away on the most gorgeous Best Actress when I grasped his shoulders firmly and while twisting his nipples, asked if I could be his "first" as well. As he gasped excitedly, I pried his asscheeks open, revelealing his lovely, puckered asshole. I quickly spit along the crack, then mounted him as Charlize and I made him the meat in our hot bisexual sandwich!

Shaun now howled uncontrollably as I cracked open his anal cherry with my manpole while he still plowed away heartily on Charlize; we now ground our bodies against him, both eager to de-virginize him! Charlize managed to come again from the pure excitement of it all, prompting Shaun to drain his young seed into my love's womb. I could hardly be prouder of him as I bucked forward to blast my wad into his tight bottom, as we all cried out in sexual unity...

We cooled each other off in the afterglow, with Charlize and I taking a bottle of our best champagne and soaking Shaun all over; he may not have been ready to turn pro yet or even win a championship, but as we licked him all over his hot body, Charlize and I decided we had a All-American Grade A buck in our greedy, horny hands...

About damn time I did something here...

2005-02-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been having some wonderful fantasies/sessions about some of my top femmes (both real and celeb- a.k.a. "SuperReal"), as well as some e-friends I'm in contact with. Of course, since I like to go both ways (at least in my mind), some lickable males have also been involved; let's just say that Cindy C. has some very good taste, among her countless attributes :)). With that in mind, I think I'll use this blog as a "sounding board" for whatever's been brewing in my cranium. I can only hope that everyone who sees this enjoys the erotica as intended, and if they happen to be "participating" in the story, that I only mean it in the best, and entirely fictional, way. Hopefully that'll at least keep the lawyers out of my hair...

CindyLover's 50 Favourite Femmes...

2005-01-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

His "A" Team: Jessica Alba*, Monica Bellucci*, Laetitia Casta*, Cindy Crawford*, Beyonce Knowles, Lindsay Lohan, Lucy Pinder, Britney Spears*, Gwen Stefani*, Liv Tyler*.

His "B" Team: Rosanna Arquette, Mischa Barton, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Nicole Kidman, Eva Longoria, Petra Nemcova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicollette Sheridan, Jessica Simpson.

His "C" Team: Alessandra Ambrosio, Drew Barrymore, Jessica Biel, Holly Marie Combs, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ana Hickman, Virginie Ledoyen, Lucy Liu, Christina Milian, Gabrielle Union.

His "D" Team: Anastacia, Jennifer Beals, Christie Brinkley, Erica Campbell, Nikki Cox, Kathy Ireland, Vanessa Marcil, Marisa Miller, Brittany Murphy, Dita Von Teese.

His "E" Team: Sophie Anderton, Edith Bowman, Vanessa Carlton, Isabeli Fontana, Nicki Hilton, Jamelia, Nell McAndrew, Ashlee Simpson, Raven-Symone, Venus Williams.

*Confirmed

MuffinMan's 50 Favorite Femmes...

2005-01-08T14:53:00.000-05:00

My "A Group": Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Garner, Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie, Heidi Klum, Elle Macpherson, Josie Maran, Charlize Theron, Estella Warren.

My "B Group": Kim Basinger, Brooke Burke, Kirsten Dunst, Elizabeth Hurley, Scarlett Johansson, Maria Menounos, Julianne Moore, Natalie Portman, Rebecca Romijn, Naomi Watts.

My "C Group": Eliza Dushku, Tina Fey, Lauren Graham, Teri Hatcher, Heather Locklear, Louise Redknapp, Uma Thurman, Leeann Tweeden, Aisha Tyler, Kate Winslet.

My "D Group": Charisma Carpenter, Jennifer Connelly, Marcia Cross, Elisha Cuthbert, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stacy Keibler, Keira Knightley, Liz Phair, Sofia Vergara, Serena Williams.

My "E Group": Neve Campbell, Stacy Ferguson, Jennie Finch, Gina Gershon, Heather Graham, Vida Guerra, Marg Helgenberger, Kelly Hu, Alicia Keys, Laura Prepon.

The Top 100 Women of 2004

2005-01-08T14:46:00.000-05:00

My colleague in admiring and worshipping women (particularly of the celeb variety) Cindylover and I have compiled our fifth (!) annual list of the 100 most desirable femmes of the year- what follows is our contributions, beginning with mine...

My favorite teams/groups (by age):

2004-12-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

IN response to the current CSSA post about hottest women per age groups, I'd thought I'd offer mine in key categories (except for the under 18, aka "DILF" division)

18-24: Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton, Kirsten Dunst, Eliza Dushku, Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, Beyonce Knowles, Lucy Pinder, Natalie Portman, Serena Williams.

25-31: Laetitia Casta (YM: yummy mummy), Angelina Jolie, Heidi Klum (YM), Josie Maran, Maria Menounos, Louise Redknapp (YM), Charlize Theron, Gabrielle Union, Estella Warren, Kate Winslet (YM) .

32-38: Halle Berry, Brooke Burke (YM), Cindy Crawford (YM), Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Garner, Lauren Graham, Salma Hayek, Rebecca Romijn, Uma Thurman (YM), Naomi Watts.

39-45: Monica Bellucci (YM), Gina Gershon, Teri Hatcher (YM), Elizabeth Hurley (YM), Diane Lane (YM), Heather Locklear (YM), Elle Macpherson (YM), Julianne Moore (YM).

46+: Kim Basinger (YM), Christie Brinkley (YM), Dana Delany, Marg Helganberger (YM), Michelle Pfeiffer (YM), Susan Sarandon (YM), Sela Ward (YM), Sigourney Weaver (YM).

Okay, here it is...

2004-12-02T14:49:00.000-05:00

After much deliberation (and an attempted post that didn't quite take), here's my contribution to The Babe Index (for now set at 40 until some other faves are represented): http://www.thebabeindex.com/MuffinMan/

Intro...

2004-11-29T16:22:00.000-05:00

First off, allow me to point out that this is my first attempt at a homepage/blog; I hope to explore my thoughts, opinions, fantasies, and other musings here. I intend to keep this geared to the CSSA crowd, although the topics won't be limited by "which female celebs I'd love to "grind it out" with". I hope to have a few things posted this week (11-29/12-04), so lets see how it goes and wish me luck!